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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the salaries of secondary/high school teachers in 2009.

The table below shows the salaries of secondary/high school teachers in 2009.
The given table illustrates the secondary or high school
teachers
Use synonyms
' earnings in five different countries in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the highest
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teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
show examples
 salary was Luxembourg
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the longest potential year to reach the maximum salary was 37
years
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
. Denmark and
Australia
Use synonyms
 were the countries that had the shortest
years
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 of optimum salaries at 8 and 9
years
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 respectively
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other countries. These nations
also
Linking Words
 had the lowest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
' income.
Australia
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 started at 28,000 and
then
Linking Words
 increased to 48,000
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
maximamum
Correct your spelling
maximum
salaries
Fix the agreement mistake
salary
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Denmark had
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 salary compared to
Australia
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 at 45,000 and reached the optimum earnings at 54,000. High school
teachers
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 from Luxembourg,
Japan
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, and Korea could
achieved
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
 an optimum gain in 30 to 37
years
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. New
teachers
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 in
Japan
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 and Korea had slightly different
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
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 in the early job, but
teachers
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 in
Japan
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 had almost triple
income
Correct pronoun usage
their income
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 after teaching
37
Change preposition
for 37
show examples
years
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 at 86,000. 80,000 was the amount that
teachers
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 in Luxembrouge achieved and
this
Linking Words
 number increased to 132,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words teachers, australia, years, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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