IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write a letter to get loan or financial assistant from the bank

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Dear sir, I am writing formally to request financial assistance from your esteemed organization. It has been a privilege to be a member of your
bank
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
for
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Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 15 years. I really appreciate your support and services to the customers. Recently, I decided to pursue my advanced research in Master’s of Science from the reputed University of Toronto Ontario.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I require a student loan of $20,000 from your
bank
Use synonyms
 to pay my tuition fees.
In addition
Linking Words
, I am employed as a “Data Analyst” in the “Zudio Software” with a monthly salary of $5000.
Besides
Linking Words
 the earnings, I prefer
bank
Use synonyms
 finances to become more flexible as repaying the debt would be easier rather than using the savings for fees.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , I have 980 credit scores that demonstrate an excellent credit history.
Also
Linking Words
, I attach my employment letter, recent
pay-stubs
Correct your spelling
pay stubs
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 and
bank
Use synonyms
 statements. I would be grateful if you could review my application process and facilitate
further
Linking Words
 guidance on the next steps. Please feel free to contact me for additional information or clarification. Thank you for your time and consideration. Yours faithfully, Sarab

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Task Achievement
Consider adding a paragraph about how you'll use the loan effectively and any previous experience you have managed finances for similar purposes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains only one main idea to enable clear progression from one idea to another.
Task Achievement
The letter maintains a formal tone throughout, which is suitable for a financial request.
Coherence and Cohesion
The opening and closing of the letter are well-structured, providing a clear and polite greeting and closing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of the letter is consistent, with information building upon the previous points smoothly.
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