The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences.

The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences.
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart depicts the proportion of
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
show examples
spending habits in online shopping in the United States of America in 2015, but the bar chart displays the proportion of detail division regarding online buying preferences.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of juveniles less often buy goods online in the USA ,
while
Linking Words
the rest usually access online shopping a few times a month even never.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are the least groups using online shopping only at the weekend,
while
Linking Words
there was a high percentage of less frequent online
shoppers
Use synonyms
buying directly in-store and the least was buying online. Looking into detail,
it is clear that
Linking Words
there was a high portion of teenagers who less often bought goods online, accounting for 37 %, followed by some who accessed online platforms a few times a month (28%) and who never purchased things online (20%) respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only the least who weekly use online shopping stated 15 %.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was 80 % of
people
Use synonyms
who buy directly in shops less frequently use online shopping.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
always using online shopping contributed approximately 63 %, followed by
people
Use synonyms
purchasing online monthly at around 59 % and
people
Use synonyms
as weekly
shoppers
Use synonyms
were the least only contributing 33 %.
While
Linking Words
62 % of juveniles as weekly
shoppers
Use synonyms
tend to buy online , followed by monthly
people
Use synonyms
(42%) and all online
shoppers
Use synonyms
(33%) respectively. The least frequent online
shoppers
Use synonyms
only donate just 19 % of the total.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words shoppers, people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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