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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As major cities around the world are growing, so are their problems. What are these problems for young people living in cities? What are possible solutions for these problems?

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There is no doubt that problems in large
cities
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 are numerous, especially for young
people
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss what are the main issues faced by youngsters in
such
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 locations and propose some solutions to mitigate them.
Firstly
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, criminality has been a widespread
problem
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 in large
cities
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, and young
people
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 are usually the most vulnerable.
This
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 is because they are neither prepared to deal with violence nor concerned about protecting their belongings, so they are easy targets.
For example
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, research in a large city in The United States has pointed out that 80% of the robbery victims are between 16 and 25 years old. In order to tackle
this
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problem
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, these
cities
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 should invest more money in security infrastructure, placing more cameras on the streets to avoid pickpocketing.
As a result
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, criminals will be afraid to be recorded by these cameras, so the crime rate will decrease.
Secondly
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, another
problem
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 faced by young
people
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 in large
cities
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 is the lack of job opportunities.
Due to
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 a multitude of candidates applying for the same job, employers will normally choose someone who has more years of experience.
For instance
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, the result of a business survey from
last
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 year showed that the highest rate of unemployment is among teenagers. In order to solve
this
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problem
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, governments should create new regulations making it mandatory for companies to hire at least 3 employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have not graduated from University yet.
Therefore
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, it will be easier for them to start their career in a large city. In conclusion, two of the main problems faced by young
people
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 in large
cities
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 are criminality and unemployment.
However
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, these problems should be minimized if investments in security infrastructure are made and a new regulation to create more job opportunities is released.

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Task Achievement
Good job addressing the main problems faced by young people in large cities - criminality and unemployment. Make sure to provide a more detailed explanation of how the proposed solutions can effectively mitigate these issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure to connect your ideas more effectively within paragraphs to improve coherence.
Task Response
Clear discussion of the main problems faced by young people in large cities
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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