IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is a popular belief that the resources we spend on wildlife conservation are too redundant. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion since protecting
animals
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 can waste a great deal of time and effort and there are some more important problems
besides
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this
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 that we should care about.
To begin
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 with, the cost of building the necessary facilities to conserve
animals
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 and birds might be extremely huge.
For instance
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,
animals
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 should be kept in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good condition to be alive and for the reproduction process so people have to build a place for them to live
as well as
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 feed them every day.
Consequently
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, when there is not sufficient money to maintain those, the effort to keep them alive would not bring any benefit to us.
Therefore
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, governments and organizations should not give too much attention to the protection of wildlife.
In addition
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, since government fund is limited, allocating resources to some important sectors could be a better choice rather than only concentrating on the existence of wild
animals
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 and birds. To illustrate, we should spend more money on education or hospitality which is really vital to the development of humans. Alternatively, when caring too much about the conservation of these creatures, there would be a lack of money for those areas,
therefore
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 leading to a lot of serious problems.
To sum up
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,
while
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 many people assume that spending on preserving wild
animals
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 and birds can never be too much, I still hold the view that
this
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 is unnecessary owing to some issues we might face
with
Change preposition
apply
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when focusing too much on it.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, with well-organized paragraphs that logically progress from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and summarize your main points, but make sure they are more developed and offer a precise final thought.
coherence cohesion
Support each of your main points with detailed and specific examples. Avoid general statements that do not contribute to illustrating the argument effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task given, presenting a well-developed response to the prompt that maintains focus on the question throughout the essay.
task achievement
When presenting your ideas, aim for clarity and depth. Develop your arguments comprehensively and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and specific examples to better illustrate and support your perspective. This will strengthen your argument and provide more depth to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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