IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
To some, experimentation on animals is inhuman and unethical since they can be harmed,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is a mainly positive concept, helping humanity by developing medicine. I believe that experimentation on beasts is very useful and should be allowed.
Body paragraph 1
In the case of the preservation of animals, first of all, the species used are human beings. They not only have their own intelligence but
also
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 a way of communicating properly and expressing their feelings, confirming that laboratory beasts are equally able to enjoy the beauty of life as humans do. Many mammals on which we experiment tend to feel stressed or menaced by experimentation.
For instance
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, guinea pigs often take their own lives under stress, by choosing to stop eating.
Body paragraph 2
As for the support of the tests, many ideas are relevant.
To begin
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 with, the safeguard of billions of people can be insured by only thousands of small creatures. In the case of COVID-19 ,
for example
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, in the development of the vaccines, many tests were conducted on mammals before being tried on the population, helping to ensure that a medication that protected millions was harmless.
Furthermore
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, the tests are not meant to harm, but to observe, signifying
consequently
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 that not all animals suffer from it.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, even if the experiments bring a lot to the advances in medicine, I believe that a compromise should be reached, ensuring the well-being and the protection of these creatures , but allowing experimentations and observations that could lead to the safety of many humans and other species.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your view is clear, but the side against animal tests needs a bit more full support.
task response
Make your opinion stay the same from start to end. In the middle you support tests, but the end sounds more like a mixed view.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side. This will make your answer feel more full and balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your plan more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used well, but a few parts feel hard to follow. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice because some wrong words make the meaning less clear, and this hurts flow between ideas.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion.
task response
Your COVID-19 example is clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'first of all', 'for instance', and 'furthermore'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ethics
  • Morality
  • Vivisection
  • In vivo testing
  • Cruelty-free
  • Animal welfare
  • Biomedical research
  • Toxicology
  • Sentience
  • Compassionate
  • Humane
  • Speciesism
  • In vitro
  • Alternative methods
  • Pharmacology
  • Clinical trials
  • Bioethics
  • Animal rights
  • Pain threshold
  • Efficacy
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