IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries today, women have full-time jobs. Therefore, it is reasonable to share housework equally between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #women #jobs #housework #men
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Recently, more and more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are entering the workforce and working full time. With
this
Linking Words
 trend, the idea that equal sharing of
household
Use synonyms
 chores at home is reasonable is spreading. I completely
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 earn enough money to cover their living expenses, which means they play an important role in supporting the
household
Use synonyms
. If females share much payment to support home with men, housework
also
Linking Words
 should be shared between them equally.
For instance
Linking Words
, data shows that the average income for men in each year decreased by 2,000,000 yen, compared to 1980.
This
Linking Words
 leads to the result of research about the degree of
women
Use synonyms
’s salary contribution. 90% of men answered that it is incredibly helpful to sustain a
household
Use synonyms
 when females work and earn money a lot.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sharing housework should be equal because
women
Use synonyms
 earn sufficient money to cover their living costs.
Secondly
Linking Words
, nowadays, many countries encourage to be active
to hire
Change the verb form
hiring
show examples
 smart
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of their gender. It is required for
women
Use synonyms
 to participate in companies or societies and they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to work than before.
For instance
Linking Words
, my company sets a goal to hire more
women
Use synonyms
 for engineering staff and managerial staff. The human resource tried to hire talented employees and
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of sex to keep a precious asset and to grow the company.
Thus
Linking Words
, doing housekeeping in
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
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 together is needed for
women
Use synonyms
 and society, which would lead skilled
people
Use synonyms
 to be active in societies and companies. In conclusion, housework should be borne equally in dual-earner couples.
This
Linking Words
 is because of equality of supporting housekeeping and
household
Use synonyms
, and because many countries encourage accomplished
people
Use synonyms
 to be active in societies and companies.
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