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Writing Samples
Band 7

People should be at least 21 years old before they are allowed to drive a car. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Many
road
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 accidents are caused by reckless driving especially by the youth under 21 years of
age
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. Should the
age
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 at which you can
drive
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 a vehicle be increased in order to ensure
road
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 safety? In my view,
although
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 I accept that there would be fewer
road
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 accidents, increasing the
age
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 limit to
drive
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 a car is not fair to older teenagers. The primary reason is that, in today's world, driving has become vital for managing day-to-day activities conveniently. Most young adults are driving for various reasons,
such
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 as, to get to work, to pick up groceries, to
drive
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 their younger siblings around, etc.
For instance
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,
due to
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 the high-paced life of employed parents, they rely on their older kids to drop their younger ones to school and
thus
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, save their time and energy. If the government imposes a law that people under 21 years of
age
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 cannot
drive
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, it would cause many youngsters to protest against it as driving is a necessary skill.
Furthermore
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, many university students use their personal cars to get to their colleges. Students who live far away will suffer greatly as they will be solely dependent on public transport or someone over 21 years of
age
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 to take them to their classes
timely
Rephrase
apply
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every day. In countries,
such
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 as India, where public transport is not very reliable, it is advisable to ride your own car to reach far-away places.
Thus
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, perfecting the driving skills of an individual should be the main concern of traffic police rather than the
age
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 limit. Even though the probability of
road
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 casualties will be low if the
age
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 requirement rises, it
would
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will
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 not eliminate it completely.
Therefore
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, the
age
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 requirement is not as important of a criterion for preventing
road
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 accidents. As long as young adults understand the responsibility that comes with driving and are capable of driving a car,
along with
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 comprehensive knowledge of traffic rules, there is no justified reason to prevent them from driving.
Additionally
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, a society where kids become independent early in their lives tends to flourish more in comparison to those that restrict and restrain them from their basic rights.
To conclude
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,
age
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 criteria should not be the main concern of the government. Letting people
drive
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 at the legal
age
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 of 16 gives them a sense of independence and allows them to expand their horizons.
As a result
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, I strongly advocate that the
age
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 at which it is legal to
drive
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 should not rise because the advantages outweigh the disadvantages by far.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main point and that ideas are presented in a logical sequence.
task achievement
Expand on the specific examples to support your arguments further, providing more detailed and relevant examples.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively, and avoid repetition of words or phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure a variety of sentence types are used. Also, work on eliminating errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and sentence construction.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • mature decisions
  • biological maturity
  • fully developed brain
  • judgment
  • impulse control
  • accident statistics
  • inexperience
  • risk-taking behavior
  • insurance premiums
  • public transportation
  • environmentally beneficial
  • traffic congestion
  • early independence
  • learning curve
  • experience
  • overall driving skills
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