IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give tour own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world #tour
It is a belief of some that for the betterment of research, business and the academic world, it is a good move to share personal
data
while
 others believe that certain
information
 holds risk when being shared so openly. In
this
 essay,
firstly
 I will discuss the initial view and after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 the other and eventually, wrap it up
at the end
 with my own opinion. In the current digital age, there is a lot of
data
 that can be accessed freely and with permission which can be utilized for a particular goal and that can be in the field of education, business and science.
This
 can help all the mentioned three areas to progress
further
 and help them accomplish their goals and can create an
overall
 great impact on society.
For example
, companies like 23&me can collect patient
data
 and provide the genetic risk score and
also
 the
overall
 health score to drive individuals towards a better future by making them aware and can help to design better public health policies. Contrary to the benefits, there are
also
 some downsides to it and they can range from selling the personal
information
 of the population without their permission for some monetary gains by a particular organization which is a breach of privacy and limited
information
 is available to the general public about the use of that
data
.
For example
, a company like Facebook was called out for selling customer's valuable
information
 to other third parties and
also
 collecting some of the sensitive content of the user without asking them which was used for their own agenda. In conclusion, I do believe that driving the change requires reference points which can be used to optimise the current system so it's beneficial to collect them but more stringent policies should be kept in place to protect a being before proceeding on
such
 a terrain.
Submitted by patelharnish38 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: