Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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The fact is that an increasing number of children have led an unhealthy way of life in recent decades. It is believed that parents and educators should take responsibility for addressing the phenomenon. I am totally convinced by the idea for some reasons mentioned in the essay. On the one hand, parents must be responsible for what their children consume on a daily basis.
First,
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the diversity of dishes and available fast food sold at cheap prices in many public places,
for example
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, in front of schools and cinemas, they are easily drawn to attention and eager to buy. Another reason is adults are so busy to deal with deadlines at work so they tend to allow them to have takeaways.
Hence
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, in order to help young people have a healthy lifestyle, they should set a good example. They should spend little time preparing homemade meals so that teenagers can have nutritious dishes.
Besides
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, they should find ways to encourage them to exercise regularly to keep fit and stay healthy.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable the role of teachers at school in educating students to live healthily. Importantly, educators should reduce the load of assignments and school projects so that they will have more time to participate in outdoor activities. That helps them be healthy mentally and physically.
Moreover
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, schools should design their curriculums with more hours for physical education classes as they boost the students' flexibility and stamina. In conclusion, the hustle and bustle of modern life and complicated studying programs have led children to a harmful lifestyle resulting in many consequences. From my point of view, to solve the mentioned problem effectively, both parties should coordinate in teaching students how to live a healthy life.

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task achievement
Clarify the rationale behind your argument about parents' responsibility, perhaps by specifying what a 'good example' entails.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and richness of your language. For example, instead of 'help young people have a healthy lifestyle', you might say 'foster healthier lifestyles for young individuals'.
task achievement
Ensure that your points are fully developed with examples or further explanation to strengthen your arguments, particularly regarding the role of schools in shaping a healthy lifestyle.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs.
content
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and offers a balanced view by discussing both parents' and teachers' roles.
structure
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating the author's agreement with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
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