IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many offices, online
communication
Use synonyms
 has become more common than face-to-face
meetings
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some may view
this
Linking Words
 as a disadvantageous trend, I believe that the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 development outweigh the drawbacks for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, online
communication
Use synonyms
 in the workplace saves
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 both
time
Use synonyms
 and money. Renting meeting rooms can be costly, and often, these rooms go unused.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it can take a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to coordinate schedules without conflicts with other
meetings
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey by Tokyo University of companies in Tokyo, 70% of
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 have released their meeting rooms or moved into smaller rented offices to reduce costs.
Although
Linking Words
 employees are present in their office during online
meetings
Use synonyms
, they participate in online
meetings
Use synonyms
 almost every day, resulting in significant savings in
time
Use synonyms
 and money.
Secondly
Linking Words
, online
meetings
Use synonyms
 allow workers with diverse backgrounds to participate in
communication
Use synonyms
 with ease. They can easily record the
meetings
Use synonyms
, show clear slides, make translations, and participate from home.
For example
Linking Words
, my company holds conferences twice a month that include designers, engineers, and directors. Some employees have different first languages,
while
Linking Words
 others may have many tasks and cannot join the
meetings
Use synonyms
 on
time
Use synonyms
. For these individuals, participating in online conferences is beneficial because it allows them to understand the
meetings
Use synonyms
 and watch archived videos at their convenience.
Therefore
Linking Words
, online
communication
Use synonyms
 is advantageous for people with different backgrounds. In conclusion, online
communication
Use synonyms
 saves
time
Use synonyms
 and money
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 being helpful for workers from diverse backgrounds.
Thus
Linking Words
, the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 development outweigh any potential drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Add more precise data and real facts to back each claim. A strong point needs clear proof from a reliable source or solid company example.
language
Polish language for clear meaning. Use simple words and avoid awkward terms; fix phrases like 'disadvantageous' and 'Tokyo University of companies'
structure
Make each paragraph have a clear topic sentence and one main idea; use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
strength
The writer states a clear view in the start and keeps it to the end.
strength
Two main ideas are easy to follow and are supported by examples.
strength
The ending restates view and sums up the points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: