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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#workplaces #communication #face #development
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In many offices, online
communication
 has become more common than face-to-face
meetings
.
While
 some may view
this
 as a disadvantageous trend, I believe that the benefits of
this
 development outweigh the drawbacks for two main reasons.
Firstly
, online
communication
 in the workplace saves organizations both
time
 and money. Renting meeting rooms can be costly, and often, these rooms go unused.
Additionally
, it can take a lot of
time
 to coordinate schedules without conflicts with other
meetings
.
According to
 a survey by
Tokyo
Correct article usage
the Tokyo
show examples
 University of
companies
Capitalize word
Companies
show examples
 in Tokyo, 70% of organizations have released their meeting rooms or moved into smaller rented offices to reduce costs.
Although
 employees are present in their office during online
meetings
, they participate in online
meetings
 almost every day, resulting in significant savings in
time
 and money.
Secondly
, online
meetings
 allow workers with diverse backgrounds to participate in
communication
 with ease. They can easily record the
meetings
, show clear slides, make translations, and participate from home.
For example
, my company holds conferences twice a month that include designers, engineers, and directors. Some employees have different first languages,
while
 others may have many tasks and cannot join the
meetings
 on
time
. For these individuals, participating in online conferences is beneficial because it allows them to understand the
meetings
 and watch archived videos at their convenience.
Therefore
, online
communication
 is advantageous for people with different backgrounds. In conclusion, online
communication
 saves
time
 and money
while
also
 being helpful for workers from diverse backgrounds.
Thus
, the benefits of
this
 development outweigh any potential drawbacks.
Submitted by loud.music.n on

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Task Response
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good overall logical structure and presents clear ideas. Work on enhancing the connections between sentences and paragraphs to further improve coherence and cohesion in your writing.
Lexical Resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate academic and formal language throughout. Continue to expand your vocabulary and pay attention to varied word forms and collocations for further improvement.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a good command of grammatical structures and a variety of sentence types. However, pay attention to minor errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence punctuation, for further improvement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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