IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Rural-to-urban migration has recently decreased the
population
Use synonyms
 of the suburbs worldwide.
While
Linking Words
 some may see it as progress
this
Linking Words
 can lead to many negative consequences for both rural and urban residents. The main resources of
food
Use synonyms
 and agricultural products are primarily provided by rural inhabitants who work as livestock and crop farmers.
That is
Linking Words
, the more lands abandoned by farmers, the more
food
Use synonyms
 insecurities and economic issues threaten society. The reduced amount of agricultural and livestock production not only increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 costs but
also
Linking Words
 leads to more demand for
food
Use synonyms
 imports. What is more, the invaluable traditions and local cultures can gradually disappear by
this
Linking Words
 rural life getting destroyed. The new generation of migrants will easily get accustomed to urban life and
therefore
Linking Words
, they will barely remember the culture and attitudes of their rural ancestors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the increased
population
Use synonyms
 in cities can inevitably have sophisticated complications in different aspects namely, education, health care and some urban infrastructures. The overcrowding of urban areas demands more space for housing and
also
Linking Words
 increases air pollution.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the
population
Use synonyms
 of an area rises, it will be prone to the risk of some social issues
such
Linking Words
 as higher levels of crime and unemployment. These examples merely scratch the surface of the complex problem being discussed and can hardly demonstrate the negative outcomes of
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion, the decline of the countryside
population
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 rural people moving to the cities has significant social and economic consequences.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe it is a negative development that should be addressed through better policies to balance rural and urban growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention particular countries or regions affected by rural-to-urban migration and its impacts.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are clearly developed with supporting arguments. For example, while you mention food insecurity, expanding on how this impacts urban populations could add depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. Connecting sentences and paragraphs more explicitly can improve the overall clarity of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your conclusion is strong, you might consider reiterating your main points more explicitly to reinforce your argument and remind the reader of your stance.
content
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly presents the topic.
content
Your argument about the loss of cultural traditions is insightful and adds a valuable perspective to the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: