Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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It is true that we live in a world today where humans are well known for their appearances rather than their achievements and some argue that

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will have a bad outcome on our kids.

This

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essay totally agrees with

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statement; I believe that they are setting a very bad example for the youth. First of all, teenagers are looking for a role model to follow their steps in real life, and

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apply

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looking up to influencers,

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can result in terrible consequences

due to

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the fact that these celebrities don't actually preach about hard work but only glamour lifestyle;

therefore

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, kids will be under the impression that

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what success looks like,

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, they'll try to imitate that rather than work.

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, by seeing how they are dressed, youngsters will tend to copy them by buying expensive clothes that they are not able to afford;

thus

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, demanding extra cash from their parents that will be an extra burden on their shoulders.

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, a survey done in a shopping centre in London showed that most young individuals visit expensive stores more than others.

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, with the rise of social media, anyone can practically become famous, even by doing the stupidest things ever, and these individuals will surely be a bad role model for our kids,

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, in Tiktok, users can get well known by only dancing.

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, children will no longer be motivated to continue their studies whether in school or afterwards in university after seeing by doing the minimum effort they can be famous and get paid through Apps and be able to travel across the world and eat every kind of food.

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, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that celebrities are a bad example for our children.

Submitted by saberyouc on Tue Jun 13 2023

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Task Response

In the introduction, make sure to clearly present your position and outline your main points. Additionally, consider rephrasing the thesis statement to avoid repetition.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay exhibits a clear logical structure and maintains a consistent flow of ideas. However, pay attention to linking words and phrases to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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In some countries, prison is seen as the solution to crime. However, some people believe that giving people a better education is a better way to prevent them from committing crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these ideas? Give your opinions based on your knowledge and expeiences.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?