IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern day, there are so many types of people with their uniqueness of behaviours. Yet, many of them lean toward the bad side too.
As a result
Linking Words
, the amount of
crime
Use synonyms
 is increasing in many countries. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the root causes of people doing some wrongdoing, and present the solutions which become pressing concerns to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. First of all, the main cause of
crime
Use synonyms
 is desire. All of them want to fulfil their needs. On top of that,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 their desire will push them to do bad things which will trigger crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a father who has a responsibility to feed their family, but his income is too small,
as a result
Linking Words
, he will attempt to get money illegally. Another example which is easier to understand is a businessman who wants to get rich fast will evade the tax which will harm the nation.
Consequently
Linking Words
, desires and tricky actions will lead to them being involved in a
crime
Use synonyms
 worse than ever.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can prevent the issue by putting more strict regulations. One of the examples which can be applied is to give them a reward for those who find the culprit,
therefore
Linking Words
 it will increase the awareness of each individual and press their desires to do bad things.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can try to fix the salary of the employees. The government can give employees some rewards when reporting their workplaces, which give them salaries below standard. So, the government can hunt those illegal companies and fix the lives of workers,
hence
Linking Words
 the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate will reduce as well. In conclusion, desires cannot be avoided, yet we can put some solutions to prevent them so that crimes are inevitable but they can be handled.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and identifies key causes and solutions related to crime. However, the ideas could be more deeply explored and backed with more specific data or research where possible.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally coherent with an identifiable structure. Work on enhancing the logical flow between different sections and clarifying complex points to ensure the essay reads smoothly from start to finish.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, succinct, and set the stage effectively for your arguments. This helps in providing a coherent reading experience.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and contextually suitable, which strengthens your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: