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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
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The bar chart depicts the number of people by gender who had used
health
Use synonyms
 clubs in Miami and Florida in 2017. The pie charts provide information about the percentage of male and female
health
Use synonyms
 club members by age
group
Use synonyms
 in the same
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the general trends showed that male
users
Use synonyms
 of fitness centres were always higher than females over the selected period. In terms of age
group
Use synonyms
, in both men dan women customers, the highest proportion of the members was aged
group
Use synonyms
 21-35
years
Use synonyms
. Looking at the bar chart in more detail, in January 2017, the number of full-time members who used the
health
Use synonyms
 clubs was just over 1000 people, of which the male
users
Use synonyms
 were slightly more than females, at around 560 males.
This
Linking Words
 number continued to increase and reached its peak in June, with almost 900 males and exactly 700 females using the facilities. In terms of the aged
group
Use synonyms
, the largest segment of males who had used the club was the aged
group
Use synonyms
 of 21-45
years
Use synonyms
, which accounted for more than half of the total.
Similarly
Linking Words
, among female
users
Use synonyms
, the
group
Use synonyms
 aged 21-45
years
Use synonyms
 old was the most common
health
Use synonyms
 club
users
Use synonyms
, accounting for exactly half of the total.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, group, years, users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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