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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future lives. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #experiences #children #school #effect #future #lives #teenagers #influence
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Does pre-school or post-school knowledge have a greater impact on people's
future
 lives?There are many different opinions about
this
. But I think that adolescence serves as an important foundation for a
person
's
future
 life. Both periods are undoubtedly important, but each has its own influence.
This
 essay explores both perspectives and presents my personal opinion. On the one hand, the
experiences
 that children receive before entering school provide the foundation for
future
 development. During these early years, children acquire mental, emotional, and social skills largely through the influence of their parents and family environment. Positive childhood
experiences
,
such
 as parental support, care, and intellectual engagement, develop self-confidence, interest, and resilience in a child.
For example
, research shows that children who receive strong emotional support and intellectual stimulation during childhood do better academically and develop healthier relationships in adulthood.
On the other hand
, teenage years are
also
 an important period in shaping a
person
's
future
. Adolescence is a period of physical, emotional and psychological changes during which people develop their own individuality and independence.
Experiences
 during
this
 period,
such
 as friendships, academic achievements, and personal challenges, can have a major impact on shaping a
person
's values, ambitions, and self-confidence.
For example
, a teenager's involvement in extracurricular activities or exposure to mentoring can inspire them to pursue certain career paths or develop leadership and teamwork skills. In conclusion, both
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
experiences
 and adolescent
experiences
 play an important role in shaping a
person
's
future
. Childhood provides the basic foundation, but
experiences
 during adolescence often have a greater and more direct impact and become important in a
person
's life.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task response
Ensure to address both perspectives more equally in terms of length and analysis. Currently, more emphasis is placed on adolescence, which might make the essay seem unbalanced.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing a slightly more detailed introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion more comprehensively. This helps to clearly establish your thesis and reinforce your argument.
task response
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, discussing both childhood and adolescence with relevant specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Strong logical structure with well-supported main points that aid in the overall flow of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive Development
  • Emotional Foundation
  • Social Skills
  • Identity Formation
  • Critical Thinking
  • Peer Influence
  • Resilience
  • Leadership Qualities
  • Balanced Approach
  • Foundational Skills
  • Complex Social Dynamics
  • Empathy
  • Teamwork Skills
  • Decision-Making Skills
  • Risk and Reward Balance
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