IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries today, there are people living in poverty. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

In the modern era, there are plenty of
poverty
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-stricken
people
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 ,especially in developing nations.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 uncontrolled population growth and increasing
wealth
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 disparity between the rich and the poor. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why
poverty
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 exists and practical ways to tackle
this
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 dire situation.
People
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 living under the
poverty
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 line are suffering for many years now. One of the reasons is the poor regulation of the population. With the exponential increase in the number of citizens , the
government
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 is unable to fulfil everyone's basic needs
such
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 as food, water, shelter, and healthcare which in turn
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 less fortunate
people
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 on footpaths as they are unable to find means to support themselves and their families. Another reason for
poverty
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 is the unequal distribution of a nation's
wealth
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. During the COVID pandemic, it was very visible that the rich got richer and the poor got poorer because of a lack of relief supplies from the
government
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 in many countries,
such
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 as India and Pakistan. To alleviate
this
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 problem, the
government
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 should ensure equal distribution of a country's profit and provide for the
people
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 who cannot afford it. In the UK, healthcare is free,
for instance
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, as the
government
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 charges hefty taxes from wealthy citizens and
thus
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, provides good equality service to everyone.
This
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 will lead to
people
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 with low to no income, some relief.
Furthermore
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, the issue of
poverty
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 cannot be dealt with solely by the ruling party. Those who are fortunate in terms of
wealth
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 should use it to help the citizens of their country by building schools that provide free education, providing more job opportunities and donating their
wealth
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 to NGOs so they are able to use it for the betterment of the
people
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 in desperate need.
To conclude
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,
poverty
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 has been there since the dawn of time;
however
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, with joint efforts from the
government
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 and affluent ,individuals it can be reduced and possibly eliminated.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly lays out the problem and intent of the essay, but try to provide a stronger thesis statement that clearly summarizes the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, you could reinforce the main points discussed in the body more explicitly to make it stronger. Consider summarizing your proposed solutions before ending.
task achievement
While you have good supporting points, try to provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments. This will make your points more compelling and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that punctuation and spacing are consistent throughout, as this can affect readability. For example, there should not be a space before the comma in 'poverty-stricken people ,especially'.
task achievement
You have identified key reasons for poverty and suggested practical solutions, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good flow overall, and the paragraphs are logically arranged, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • unequal distribution of resources
  • financial instability
  • cost of living
  • wage increases
  • ineffective government policies
  • corrupt government policies
  • globalization
  • job losses
  • wage reductions
  • healthcare expenses
  • social inequality
  • discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • earning potential
What to do next:
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