IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that tourists from overseas should be charged more than local people when travelling to cultural and historical attractions. I completely disagree with
this
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 proposal and I do believe that we should treat all visitors equally. On the one hand, charging more from foreign tourists is unreasonable and impractical.
To begin
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 with, these tourist destinations are treasures for mankind, which need joint efforts to preserve and protect without considering their nationalities and races.
For example
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, the Pyramid charges those visitors the same prices wherever they come from.
Secondly
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, these people who are from far away have expended a large amount of money in
this
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 host country including accommodation, means of transportation and flights to and from these nations. If we still choose to require higher fees, it would lead to a sense of resentment and exclusivity among these friendly travellers.
On the other hand
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, it is unfair to require foreigners to pay more than the indigents. Imposing
such
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 double standards on those individuals who come here for a visit would arouse their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 of disrespect, which would have detrimental impacts on the identity of host nations. It
also
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 hinders the development of the tourism industry and
thus
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 leads to a decline in their revenue from tourism.
For instance
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, if they know that we impose more money on them, they might turn to alternative countries as opposed to sticking to the target countries.
Lastly
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,
this
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 behaviour would impact the cultural exchange between countries. In conclusion, my view is that every effort should be made to attract tourists abroad, and it would be counterproductive to make them pay more than local residents.

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task response
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, presenting relevant arguments to support your position. It would enhance your task response to acknowledge opposing viewpoints before rebutting them, providing a more balanced argument. Additionally, a stronger consideration of the implications and broader context of the issue would further enrich your task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical structure and effective use of cohesive devices to connect ideas. The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the essay effectively. To further improve coherence and cohesion, aim for a more varied range of cohesive devices, such as linking words, to enhance the connectivity of your arguments. Additionally, consider the use of paragraphing to organize your ideas more explicitly and guide the reader through your arguments.
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