IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
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It is considered that
women
 have an efficient method of raising offspring and for
this
 ,reason it is believed that they should focus more on family life rather than developing their careers. I completely disagree that
women
 should spend more time and attention on raising kids. Nowadays there is a growing number of childfree
women
 who are interested in their job and some men can be better at caring about
children
.
Firstly
, living alone or not being married has become more popular these days. Some
women
 prefer enjoying living for themselves, which means living without
children
.
In other words
, they might not want to raise
children
although
 they are married.
For instance
, recent studies say that the number of born offspring is decreasing from year to year. So nowadays
women
 tend to focus on relaxing rather than having
children
 and looking after them.
In addition
,
women
 can be a professional in their own work which motivates them to concentrate more on the job. Some of them want to develop their skills and make more money by reaching success. As an example, nowadays there are more
women
 who have leading professions than men who are successful in their work life.
Therefore
, the main concentration on the job might be more useful than more attention to offspring.
Last
 but not least, some men might be good at parenting compared to
women
. These days more and more males prefer doing household which includes caring about
children
 about kids.
Thus
women
 do not need to give more attention to raising
children
.
To sum up
, today
women
 do not have to focus more on housing. They can create their career or enjoy their lives without
children
. In my own opinion,
women
 should improve themselves by growing in careers
while
 the
children
 can be raised by their husbands or childminders.
Submitted by sunnyrogle22 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
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