Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the human health of every country is in danger, each nation should make some regulation to improve their society. Some
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that, increasing
sports
facilities will help to improve public health. Others say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
would contribute only a small part, so they think, more
measurement
Fix the agreement mistake
measurements
show examples
are required. In my opinion,
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
will need more potential to
impro
Correct your spelling
improve
show examples
their life.
To begin
with, rising
sports
activities
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
more merits to the
people
.
Further
Add a comma
Further,
show examples
it is used to surge the rate of
heart beat
Correct your spelling
heartbeat
show examples
and make everyone
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
longer in the world.
In addition
,
sports
utilities should be available for all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
people
. Even from
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
and
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
could
acces
Correct your spelling
access
it, which makes stronger our future generation.
For instance
, in Coimbatore, there are some free gymnastic accessories, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
located in
race
Correct article usage
a race
show examples
course, Here, kids play with their family and spend some quality time,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
they utilize
this
space to upgrade their fitness.
On the other hand
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should create some more laws to update
lifsepam
Correct your spelling
lifespan
by reducing
miscelaneous
Correct your spelling
miscellaneous
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
Firstly
they want to decrease air pollution, which is the most harmful one
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
respiration problems.
Secondly
, they should take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
against water pollution like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
merging
waste water
Correct your spelling
wastewater
show examples
into rivers.
Lastly
, check restaurants and street food stalls, whether it is safe and good for
people
. For illustrate, my home town named
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
namakkal
Change the capitalization
Namakkal
show examples
,
met
Verb problem
had
show examples
an incident
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
year,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a girl died
due to
eating a fast food dish called
zwarma
Correct your spelling
swarm
warm
in a restaurant. In conclusion,
people
should
also
take care of their own health.
However
, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that,
Correct article usage
the commitee
show examples
commitee
Correct your spelling
committee
should
also
do more work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
various fields rather than
sports
to make our region better.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents both views and states a clear opinion or thesis to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring the essay with clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea, and use cohesive devices appropriately.
task achievement
Maintain focus on the task throughout the essay and directly address the prompt in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Develop arguments with clear reasons, evidence, and examples supporting the main points.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to maintain academic writing standards.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay and restates the writer's position.
task achievement
Provide concrete examples and specific details to back up statements, rather than general or vague references.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: