IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether stores should be allowed to sell
products
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 that are proven to be harmful to people’s
health
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.
While
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 some individuals argue against restricting sales, I fully support the idea, as
such
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products
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 can have serious
health
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 consequences for the public. Many processed and low-quality foods contain high amounts of sugar, fat, or artificial chemicals. Regular consumption of these items can lead to chronic
health
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 issues
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
This
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 is especially concerning for children and teenagers, who are more likely to be influenced by attractive packaging and marketing but may not fully understand the long-term effects of poor dietary choices. When unhealthy
products
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 are easily available, it becomes harder for people to make healthy decisions. Another example of harmful
products
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 is alcohol, which is still legally sold in most parts of the world. One major reason is the significant profit it generates for businesses and tax revenue for governments.
In addition
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, alcohol plays a major role in the social lives of many cultures, being associated with celebrations and relaxation. Despite
this
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, its negative effects—
such
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 as addiction, accidents, and
health
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 problems—cannot be ignored.To address these issues, governments should take stronger action. They can implement stricter regulations
such
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 as limiting alcohol sales to certain hours, increasing the legal drinking age, and banning advertising targeted at young people.
Furthermore
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, public awareness campaigns and school-based education programs can help people make more informed choices about what they consume. In conclusion,
although
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 selling unhealthy
products
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 may benefit businesses economically, it poses a serious threat to public
health
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. By introducing tighter controls and raising awareness, societies can move towards healthier lifestyles without completely banning these
products
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction for better clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and address the question well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a logical flow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientifically proven
  • bad for people's health
  • shops
  • allowed
  • disagree
  • freedom
  • choices
  • consume
  • banning
  • products
  • focus
  • educating
  • regulations
  • guidelines
  • nutritional information
  • packaging
  • promote
  • balanced diet
  • encourage
  • healthier choices
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