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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph below displays the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
inqueries recieved
Correct your spelling
inquiries received
 by the Tourist Information Office in a particular city, which spans over six months in 2011. As the data shows, the
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 vary from being sent by a
person
Use synonyms
, letter or mail, or by telephone. During January, telephones were the
go to
Add a hyphen
go-to
show examples
 method
where
Correct word choice
that
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 locals, and mainly tourists use to send out
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
. As the following months come, we can see a trend of
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 sent by letter or mail slowly decreasing until eventually plummeting to half the amount seen during January. Whilst sending
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 by telephone or
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 seems to be more popularized as the total amount of
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 made by telephones doubled, or even quadrupled when it comes to
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 sent in
person
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 could be
due to
Linking Words
 the high traffic of tourists that the city saw in the next months, which resulted in more
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
. Another
feasable
Correct your spelling
feasible
 reason would be because of the eventual decline of using
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
 or mail as it would guarantee a slow response,
in
Correct pronoun usage
which in
show examples
 most
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 does not help the tourist in time.
Whereas
Linking Words
 sending
Use synonyms
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 in
person
Use synonyms
 or by telephone would ensure an immediate response.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inqueries, person with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of inquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • six-month period
  • increased steadily
  • reached a peak
  • decreased slightly
  • increased dramatically
  • experienced a gradual decline
  • general trend
  • highest number
  • lowest number
  • significant increase
  • tourism interest
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