IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix this problem.

#children #teenagers #people
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It is certainly true that today in many countries around the world many
children
Use synonyms
 struggle with
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 . There are many reasons for increasing the rate of obesity, and there are several measures
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
taken
Change the verb form
take
be taken
show examples
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 epidemic. To being with, there
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various reasons behind
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
children
Use synonyms
 who suffer from
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 rely on junk
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
food
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because fast
food
Use synonyms
 is inexpensive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and available
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every corner
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
streets
Fix the agreement mistake
street
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 can contribute to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
Change preposition
in a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 chance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
 obese, because it
lack
Change the verb form
lacks
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essential nutrition, and contains high fat and salt.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays , adopt
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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 lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 spend a considerable amount of time in front
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 smartphones or playing video games rather than playing outdoor activities.
This
Linking Words
 is because playing sports namely, swimming, football,
tennis
Correct word choice
and tennis
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 can assist to burn out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
calories and help
children
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy. Regarding solutions, the first measure,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 governments should launch educational campaigns and workshops to raise awareness among
children
Use synonyms
 in order to educate
children
Use synonyms
abour
Correct your spelling
about
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 of
eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 . The second solution, authorities should encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to
playing
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 sports by offering incentives.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 can
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
every child access to
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
 for free, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can motivate
children
Use synonyms
 to
doing
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 work out.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , the major reasons behind increasing the percentage of overweight
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are unhealthy and inactive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 there are many solutions can take by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lawmakers to motivate
children
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy including ,
introuce
Correct your spelling
introduce
introduced
 harsh laws,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 the
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
 sports.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Screen time
  • Balanced diet
  • Nutrients
  • Physical education
  • Parental influence
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional stress
  • Coping mechanism
  • Caloric intake
  • Processed foods
  • Nutrient-dense
  • Health awareness
  • Fast food industry
What to do next:
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