Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money

Some

people

think that it is more important to prioritize the

education

adults

with low

education

over the

education

of young

people

and that the government should invest more money in

this

area. In my opinion,

while

the government should assist uneducated

adults

, it should not be a priority, particularly over educating young

people

. On the one hand, the progress of a

country

or nation depends on the

education

of the next generation.

In other words

, young

people

are particularly important to the development of the

country

, and the thoughts of contemporary young

people

will affect the direction of the

country

in the next 20 to 30 years.

For example

, Liang Qichao, the leader of the Reform Movement of 1898 in the late Qing Dynasty, once said, "A strong youth makes a

country

strong." During the signing of the Treaty of Versailles after the First World War, Germany, the defeated

country

, handed over Shandong, which should belong to China, to Japan.

This

led to the outbreak of the May 4th Movement in China, and the main force of the demonstrations were young students. These two examples fully illustrate that the

education

of young

people

will affect the future development of the

country

Adults

on the other hand

, are

also

a part of the state. Their role is to pass on experience in different areas of knowledge to younger generations. It is their responsibility to ensure a peaceful transition from the older generation to the younger generation.

Additionally

, the proportion of young

people

in each

country

is significantly greater than the proportion of illiterate

adults

. If the focus of

education

is changed to educating

adults

who cannot read and write, it may change the

country

's economy and destiny. All in all,

although

adults

play a pivotal role in society, it does not make sense to spend a lot of money on them.

However

, equal action for children is justified because of their potential to change the fortunes of nations. So, I still strongly disagree with

this

statement.

Submitted by y2083749065 on Sun Jun 18 2023

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introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be expanded to provide a clearer overview of the essay.

logical structure

The logical structure of the essay is strong. The main points are well-developed and supported with relevant examples.

lexical resource

Good range of vocabulary used throughout the essay. However, more academic vocabulary could be used to enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar with only minor errors. However, more complex sentence structures could be used to showcase a wider grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

337 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

It is predicted that robotsare going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?

When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.