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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people rergad this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important learning and taking responsiblities? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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In numerous countries, teenagers are involved in some kind of paid job. A fair few people think it is wrong,
on the
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contrary
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contrary,
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 a certain amount believe that it will be a valuable and important learning experience for taking responsibility in future. In
this
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 essay, I will dive into both perspectives and form an opinion on
this
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 subject.
Firstly
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, kids are more vulnerable to dangers and working before hitting 18 will give them a chance to exploit them in unknown ways.
Thus
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, it is considered illegal in a few nations to
work
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 before 18 or 21. They have implied strict labour and
child
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 laws to prevent and protect them from crimes and danger.
For instance
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, India has implemented
on
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apply
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child
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 labour bills to prevent children from working in factories and avoid
child
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 labour.
In contrast
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, many First Nations have lowered the legal age to 13 and reduced the number of working hours to 20. They have promoted their teens to go and
work
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 in part-time basics which have age-appropriate jobs.
For example
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, Canada's legal age to
work
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 is 14 and students can
work
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 in fast food and retail chains for 24 hours per week
along with
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 their studies.
This
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 will give them a brief picture of
work
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 culture, ethics, and time management for the future.
To conclude
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, I think that workplace experience is a valuable learning for a growing
child
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.
This
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 experience will shape the future habits and behaviour of an individual.
However
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, we should
also
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 keep in mind that they are given a safe and secure environment on the job.

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task achievement
Make sure to address both views equally in your discussion. While you provided a clear outlook on both perspectives, ensuring an equal depth of exploration can enhance the thoroughness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent structure by clearly marking transitions between ideas and sections. Your logical flow is good, but can be improved by making transitions more explicit.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for discussing both perspectives, making it easy for the reader to understand what the essay will cover.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your point of view, reinforcing the discussion presented in the essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples from different countries, which effectively support your discussion points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • child labor
  • age-appropriate work
  • exploitative practices
  • education deprivation
  • physical and mental health impacts
  • dangerous environments
  • economic necessity
  • financial literacy
  • independence
  • stunted growth
  • psychological distress
  • cycle of poverty
  • holistic development
  • regulated employment
  • work ethic
  • practical skills
  • socio-economic inequality
  • impoverished children
  • juggle work and study
  • advocates
  • critics
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