These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

#fathers #home #care #children #mothers #work #development

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent years , there

are

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

more fathers staying at

home

with

childen

Correct your spelling

children

and

mothers

going out to work. There are many reasons for

this

and in my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

this

is a positive development. One of the reasons can be that now,

in contrast

with the past, females are equally educated

than

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

males and

also

that companies recently are searching

people

Change preposition

for people

show examples

for less

physicaly

Correct your spelling

physically

physical

jobs because of the increase of offer of technological and computer jobs.

Due to

this

females can be

equaly

Correct your spelling

equally

qualified to work in

high

Replace the word

highly

show examples

qualified jobs and have other roles than staying at

home

. An example of

this

can be that years ago

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education was different between genders. Boys had more scientific subjets and girls had subjets of house tasks like cooking. And

this

provocated

Correct your spelling

provoked

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

difference between

mothers

and fathers. Now

this

has changed. From my point of

view

Add a comma

view,

show examples

this

is a positive evolution because that means that inequalities between fathers and

mothers

are decreasing. Mainly because the roles of the husband and the wife are starting to be the same in the family. In

aditition

Correct your spelling

addition

its

Correct your spelling

it's

show examples

also

positive because

this

can break the traditional idea that the male is the person who must earn

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money for the

familly

Correct your spelling

family

, and the female is the person who has to do

home

tasks and take care

about

Change preposition

show examples

her children. In conclusion, there are many reasons for the increase of

father

Fix the agreement mistake

fathers

show examples

who stay at

home

and

mothers

who go out to work, like the equalize of education. And

this

evolution is positive for

end

Replace the word

ending

show examples

inequalities between genders.

Submitted by santos_dij on Tue Jun 20 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Provide a clearer introduction to immediately address the essay question. Begin by briefly summarizing the change in roles and then state your thesis (your stance on whether it's a positive or negative development).

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to introduce the idea you will discuss. This will improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to follow.

task achievement

Support your main points with more specific examples and details. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Consider using statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes to illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and spelling. Review the use of plurals (e.g., 'fathers staying at home with children') and correct verb tense usage. This will enhance the overall professionalism and readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
We can say that the Indian healthcare system needs more and more doctors. India is now a country where 30 percent of the population is above the age of 35 years. Thus, the country requires better hospitals, more doctors, and better infrastructure in the health domain.
7
band
Some people think the government should provide free education in all levels. Others argue that university students should pay for their education. Discuss both views.
Some argue that all stages of education ought to be free for everyone, while others believe that college students should not be entitled to free schooling. In this essay, the idea of the first group, reaching the society with the highest efficiency, and the second perspective, instilling a sense of responsibility in university students, will be discussed.
6.5
band
Educationalists think that international exchange visits are important for teenage school students. Do you agree or disagree?
t is often believed by a number of experts that educatees might be benefitted from foreign student exchange programs. Controversy exists as to whether this trend is advantageous or an impediment to society. Although there are some adverse ramifications related to this approach, I believe that the upside of this situation will outweigh the downside since it would provide a great chance to learn about a new culture and people.
6
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or this agree?
Sugary food and drink harm people’s well-being and can cause them various mental and physical problems. If the price of this type of product increases, many people use less amount of sugar according to fewer externally originated motivations. I wholeheartedly agree with this issue and believe that it lowers the number of sugary food followers and results in health improvement as well as less money wasted on them. There are some other ways in addition to their price change that lowers sugary foodstuff consumption, whereas, this method is still a practical idea.
9
band
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often argued by the increasing trend of individuals animals ought to be treated as human beings, whereas others believe that it becomes the essential part of supplies of meat and allows to conduct trials of study on them. This essay will discuss both arguments and explain my support for the latter view.

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think the government should provide free education in all levels. Others argue that university students should pay for their education. Discuss both views.

Educationalists think that international exchange visits are important for teenage school students. Do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or this agree?

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.