Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is the opinion of many members of the public that the young are willing to allocate a large sum of time to shopping activities and

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will affect them and the community adversely. The writer of

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essay agrees with

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statement because it can cause financial burdens and the youngsters will

also

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lack concentration on crucial aspects of their life. It must be acknowledged that the majority of teenagers are vulnerable to temptations.

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can be observed in many countries where many young individuals pay a remarkable amount of money just for some clothes or cosmetics from a renowned brand.

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, most of them are still financially dependent on their parents,

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;

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will inevitably create a burden for the family. If

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is allowed to accumulate over time and spread from family to family, it will result in a crisis that halts the growth of the nation and the annual income. Another point to take into consideration is that shopping will catch the attention of minors and render them unable to focus on other occupations.

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, they will not be heedful in classes and not put any effort into self-development.

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this

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generation will not have the needed qualifications for job application or social acts making them the problem of the community. In conclusion,

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shopping is necessary, it must not occupy too much time in the life of the young because they are not independent of their parents and they still have a career to pursue.

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essay has shown that shopping excessively will have detrimental effects on society.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Tue Aug 06 2024

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task achievement

To enhance your task achievement score, include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For example, providing statistics or personal anecdotes can strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Consider expanding on your argument by exploring additional negative effects of young people spending too much time in shopping malls. This could make your essay more comprehensive and persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the transition between ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. While the essay is logically structured, more advanced transition words and phrases can improve coherence and cohesion.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

structure

Main points are well-organized and consistently supported throughout the essay.

task achievement

The writer maintains a clear and consistent position on the topic, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

materialistic attitudes
excessive consumerism
sedentary lifestyles
peer pressure
financial irresponsibility
meaningful social relationships
family bonding
environmental degradation
commercial environments
productive activities

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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT INDIVIDUALS TODAY ARE MORE DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER. OTHERS BELIEVE PEOPLE HAVE BEOME MORE INDEPENDENT. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOURS OWN OPINION.

In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

In some countries, more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this question?

The best way to make the road transport of goods safer is to ask drivers to take a driving test each year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.