Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is the opinion of many members of the public that the young are willing to allocate a large sum of time to shopping activities and
this
will affect them and the community adversely. The writer of
this
essay agrees with
this
statement because it can cause financial burdens and the youngsters will
also
lack concentration on crucial aspects of their life. It must be acknowledged that the majority of teenagers are vulnerable to temptations.
This
can be observed in many countries where many young individuals pay a remarkable amount of money just for some clothes or cosmetics from a renowned brand.
Furthermore
, most of them are still financially dependent on their parents,
therefore
;
this
will inevitably create a burden for the family. If
this
is allowed to accumulate over time and spread from family to family, it will result in a crisis that halts the growth of the nation and the annual income. Another point to take into consideration is that shopping will catch the attention of minors and render them unable to focus on other occupations.
Accordingly
, they will not be heedful in classes and not put any effort into self-development.
As a result
,
this
generation will not have the needed qualifications for job application or social acts making them the problem of the community. In conclusion,
although
shopping is necessary, it must not occupy too much time in the life of the young because they are not independent of their parents and they still have a career to pursue.
This
essay has shown that shopping excessively will have detrimental effects on society.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For example, providing statistics or personal anecdotes can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your argument by exploring additional negative effects of young people spending too much time in shopping malls. This could make your essay more comprehensive and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transition between ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. While the essay is logically structured, more advanced transition words and phrases can improve coherence and cohesion.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
structure
Main points are well-organized and consistently supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
The writer maintains a clear and consistent position on the topic, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • materialistic attitudes
  • excessive consumerism
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • peer pressure
  • financial irresponsibility
  • meaningful social relationships
  • family bonding
  • environmental degradation
  • commercial environments
  • productive activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: