IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relation people make?
Has that become a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #relation #development
It is thought by some
people
 that our ways of interaction in
this
 contemporary time have changed
due to
 the development of
technology
. From my point of view,
technology
 provides us with plenty of benefits and the way that
technology
 affects us;
as well as
, reasons to support my viewpoint will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are several effects of using
technology
 and the most significant is that
people
 can still be in the loop with their loved ones. To explain in greater detail, upcoming applications and platforms allow us to communicate and socialise freely compared to the past.
Furthermore
,
people
 can use
technology
such
 as smartphones to keep in touch with each other even if they are living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the opposite side of the world.
For instance
, I always use Line and Instagram applications on my phone every day calling my girlfriend who is now studying abroad in the UK.
In addition
, I can use it to call parents whenever they need my help.
On the other hand
, a reason to contribute to my aspect is we can gain experiences and relate to other
people
 easily. To elaborate
further
, by using those applications, citizens will grasp a variety of different kinds of personalities of humans in the world.
Moreover
, the population these years has become more approachable and not as shy as before.
For example
, my close friend used to be an extremely shy and introverted person;
however
, after he played "TikTok" for a
while
, he understood that the way he behaved at that time was bad and needed to change.
Hence
, he has turned into a new person since
then
, being more extroverted and he has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 confidence to talk to other friends.
Overall
, it is true that a sparking of
technology
 has changed our ways of life which in turn helps us to stay in touch with
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 we incredibly care for. In my opinion, it brings numerous advantages to us because it allows us to gain more experience and understand other individuals.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea expressed in the topic sentence, then expand with relevant details and examples.
coherence/cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of similar phrases and ideas to maintain the reader's interest and make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and word choice inaccuracies. Proofreading can help to catch these small issues.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, covering both the effects of technology on relationships and the positive or negative nature of these changes.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the applications Line and Instagram, and personal experiences, adds depth and relevance to your arguments.
coherence/cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear beginning and a satisfying end to your discussion.
coherence/cohesion
Logical progression of ideas is evident in your essay, with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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