IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers.Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children.Do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #people #parents #time #work #children
These days we see an increase in social issues among teens. Most people believe that it is
due to
parents
 spending more
time
 at work and less with their
children
. I agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, spending
time
 with
children
 is essential for
parents
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they can teach kids about good values and virtues as to how to differentiate between good and bad
for example
 if there is a ten dollar note lying on the floor and no one is around what would the child do with it all these lessons are taught by
parents
.
Secondly
, giving less
time
 to the
children
 would mean the child is spending it
elsewhere
,
for instance
, surfing the internet as there is no supervision it is likely that they will be viewing inappropriate content
such
 as watching adult movies or they may be chatting with a stranger. After seeing these movies
children
 might want to experiment and
this
 can lead to teenage pregnancy, HIV, and rape.
While
 talking to an unknown person can be dangerous as they can stalk
children
 or even kidnap them.
Thirdly
, their academic performance might be affected
as a result
 of being left unsupervised.
Children
 will be least bothered to study and more likely to engage in things that they enjoy
such
 as taking illegal drugs, glue sniffing and smoking which will provide them with
feel -good
Add a hyphen
feel-good
show examples
 effect.
As a result
,
children
 are expelled or no longer interested in studies and engage in criminal activities including stealing, smuggling etc.
To conclude
, there is a rise in criminal activities among teenagers which is because
parents
 don’t spend quality
time
 with them
instead
 more
time
 is devoted to their job
as a result
 kids don’t get useful lessons from
parents
. There is a lack of supervision
therefore
 teens are free to do whatever they desire and the school performance is
also
 affected.
Submitted by A on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: