Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do you think this is? How could this problem be solved?

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In
this
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prevailing era, a paradigm shift can be observed in the living patterns of people. These days individuals have embraced a sedentary lifestyle.
This
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essay will not only discuss the causative factors behind
this
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scenario but some measurements will
also
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be highlighted in order to mitigate
this
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predicament. Commencing with the salient reasons, why people are more inclined towards an unhealthy routine is primarily because of the fast-paced environment. To exemplify, the population have become extremely busy
due to
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their workload
due to
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which they fail to maintain a work-life balance.
Furthermore
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, advancement in technology can
also
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be another major factor behind
this
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menace as adults and young ones prefer indoor activities
such
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as using social media rather than choosing outdoor sports.
For instance
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, a documentary published by the History Channel revealed that individuals are living in the prison of social media and they are greedy to earn more money
due to
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which their health is compromised.
Hence
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, busy schedules
as well as
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technology can be considered as a fuelling force behind
this
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issue. Despite the given impediments, one of the pre-eminent solutions would be raising awareness campaigns emphasizing the importance of maintaining work and personal life balance.
In addition
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, the government should start free
programmes
Replace the word
programs
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for society which provide them with yoga and various exercises so that they feel encouraged to participate.
For instance
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, huge firms
such
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as Google and Microsoft made it mandatory for young employees to use stairs
instead
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of lifts for their well-being. In conclusion,
although
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fast-paced
Correct article usage
a fast-paced
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culture
coupled with
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technological advancement are the prominent reasons behind
this
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scenario;
however
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,
this
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problem cannot be alleviated unless the people in power and the communities take the necessary actions.
Submitted by madiharizwani on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, addressing the reasons behind the unhealthy lifestyle and suggesting potential solutions. However, some points lack development and could be further elaborated.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, and there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the development of some points could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of lexical resources effectively. To further enhance lexical resource, it is recommended to include more academic or formal vocabulary throughout the essay.
grammatical range
The grammatical range in the essay is satisfactory, with a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, some sentence structures and word choices could be refined to enhance overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Your opinion

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