IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life. What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant.

#people #cities #face #life #government #move #towns
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These days, city dwellers are encountering an enormous number of issues in their daily lives.
This
 essay will demonstrate some notable problems that
people
 may face when living in urban
areas
 and provide explanations as to why I believe that it is not an optimal option to encourage
people
 to leave big cities. Concerning the negative impacts that living in metropolitan
areas
 can have on residents, the air quality in these
areas
 is usually low, which can have detrimental effects on inhabitants. As there are enormous numbers of
people
 working and studying, the demand for commuting is huge, which results in a tremendous amount of exhaust fumes being produced.
Consequently
, residents are likely to suffer from respiratory diseases
such
 as asthma or lung cancer.
Furthermore
, overcrowding
also
 needs to be mentioned. The mass exodus of
people
 to these
areas
 seeking work opportunities and good education makes the roads swarm with individuals, which leads to the overload of infrastructure and traffic congestion. Regarding whether the government should give residents incentives to move to regional towns, I think that it can bring disadvantages to both the city and the dwellers. To be more specific, in large cities, workers have a higher chance of getting a well-paid job, which is a rare opportunity in many rural
areas
. If they move to suburban
areas
, there is a high possibility that they cannot take care of their families
as well as
 they are currently doing.
This
 is
also
 the main reason why many
people
 adhere to metropolitan
areas
 despite the problems they confront. Ho Chi Minh City perfectly exemplifies
this
;
although
 it has been overcrowded and the air quality has been low for years, individuals still decide to reside there since it provides more work opportunities for them. In conclusion, dwellers who live in large cities can confront a variety of issues like low air quality or overcrowding.
However
, I believe that the idea of encouraging
people
 to move to other
areas
 is not a good one, as living in these urban
areas
 provides better education
as well as
 jobs with higher pay.
Submitted by nphlpro on

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task achievement
Ensure that all points about city problems and governmental actions are fully expanded upon to achieve higher marks in task response.
task achievement
More detailed examples and statistics would enhance the explanation and strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the flow.
introduction conclusion present
Clear, logical introduction and well-rounded conclusion.
relevant specific examples
Good use of relevant, specific examples, such as Ho Chi Minh City.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported and discussed in a coherent manner.
logical structure
Each paragraph maintains a clear focus, contributing to overall cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban congestion
  • traffic jams
  • lengthy commutes
  • high cost of living
  • financial strain
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • quality of life
  • green space
  • recreational areas
  • social isolation
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • public services strain
  • overpopulation
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