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Band 6.5

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays​ ​than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #nowadays​ #​than #development
Individuals around the world in recent years have chosen to live by themselves
instead
 of staying with their families which was the most popular choice in the past. From my perspective,
this
 matter offers a lot of benefits to their residents and my reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are several merits to citizens living by themselves and one of the significant is freedom. To elaborate
further
, individuals do not need to concern themselves with the needs and schedules of others
such
 as when their wives/husbands will arrive home, what they need to cook for them, etc.
Moreover
, it is easy for them to design their houses or rooms without having conflicts with others.
For instance
, when my brother studied at university, he needed to rent an apartment near his university and he told me that he was escalated and thrilled because he lived there alone and no one was in the room, which
means
Wrong verb form
meant
show examples
 he did not have to cook and look after other people.
In addition
, he purchased a lot of figures which were his personal preference and decorated them all over the place in his room.
Additionally
, another supportive reason
contributes
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
 to my idea is that a number of
accommodation
Fix the agreement mistake
accommodations
show examples
 are pet allowed. To explain in greater detail, residents can raise
pets
, namely dogs, cats, hamsters and fish in order to curb their loneliness because these creatures provide a sense of companionship to owners.
Furthermore
, taking
pets
 outside gives opportunities to socialise and communicate with others more than walking alone,
hence
 people can be able to make new friends easily.
For example
, when I studied at university, I lived in a pet-friendly apartment,
therefore
 I brought my own cat into my room and I did totally not feel lonely.
Besides
, my cat helped me make new friends as those people always came and played with her.
Overall
, it is undeniable that many citizens choose to live alone as there are plenty of upsides. In my opinion, living alone offers us freedom and liberty;
however
, we can still buy
pets
 if we feel a bit lonely, as many
accommodation
Change to a plural noun
accommodations
show examples
 these days allow us to raise
pets
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a good structure, introducing a counter-argument could strengthen your argumentation further. For instance, mention some potential drawbacks of living alone and refute them.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from a tighter logical flow between sentences within paragraphs. Smooth transitions can help the reader follow your argument more easily. Consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which clearly present and summarize your position, making the essay well-rounded.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples effectively to illustrate the points made. This adds depth and clarity to your arguments.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and coherent, providing a comprehensive response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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