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Band 6

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in a foreign country. Do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks?

#students #study #colleges #universities #country
In recent years,
increasingly
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 the number of
students
 who selected to
study
 their tertiary
education
 abroad. In my opinion, the advantages of studying higher
education
 in foreign
conutries
Correct your spelling
countries
outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 nation.
Firstly
, studying
aborad
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 can be extremely expensive, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make a lot of financial burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
.
This
 is because some
students
study
 and work at the same time in order to meet the university and accommodation fees , which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be stressful mentally and financially
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
students
 who
study
 abroad.
Secondly
,
students
 who
study
 in foreign countries can face challenges especially, in the first months . To illustrate,
students
 can encounter culture shock , and
also
students
 can feel homesickness ,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 these difficulties take time in order to adapt to a new environment.
On the other hand
, I would like to argue that the upsides of studying abroad
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
 more than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. The first benefit , studying in foreign countries allows people to
study
 in top universities in order to receive
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality
education
.
For example
, the most people ambition to
study
 in the Cambridge University to get better
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 outcomes
as well as
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 professional career in future.
Therefore
, when
students
 finish their
studied
Replace the word
studies
show examples
 they will work as, doctors, engineers, and lawyers, which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 services for people in
home
Correct pronoun usage
their home
show examples
 country. The second benefit, studying abroad can help to minimize the cultural difference between nations.
In other words
,
students
 will become open-mind to accept different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and traditions , which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can contribute to spreading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peace
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide. In conclusion, in my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 the merits of studying in foreign nations outweigh the demerits
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
students
 can receive high quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
 and
also
 they will become more open mind to accept other cultures.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunities
  • personal growth
  • development
  • exposure
  • diverse
  • perspectives
  • language skills
  • job prospects
  • adapting
  • environment
  • financial considerations
  • costs
  • homesickness
  • social isolation
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