IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted.

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One of today’s social issues
that is
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 of concern to everyone is
students
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 are becoming more and more reliant on the
Internet
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.
While
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 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 brings a lot of advantages but
also
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 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has many negative effects and should be restricted for education purposes. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 view for a variety of reasons.
To begin
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 with, many
students
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 are abusive
use
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 of the
Internet
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 because the
Internet
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 is very convenient for searching for information.
This
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 means if depend too much on the
Internet
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, it can lead to addiction. In fact, the
Internet
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 is only beneficial when we
use
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 it for the right purposes.
For example
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, the
Internet
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 is a useful source of data for
students
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,
such
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 as
students
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 can search about the culture of the country.
Furthermore
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, the
Internet
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 can help everyone in the world communicate with each other. In fact, many couples get married even though they are not from the same country.
For example
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, the
Internet
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 can help us communicate with family and husband/wife by using video calls
although
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 we live far from home. But
besides
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 that, the
Internet
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also
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 has many disadvantages, if using the
Internet
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 for the wrong purpose
such
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 as playing games or chatting all day,
this
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 can affect studying or not care about health. And so that
students
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 are not too dependent on the
Internet
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. Schools need to limit
students
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'
use
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 of phones during class hours and should only
use
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 them when necessary to serve their studies. In conclusion, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 is convenient and has many advantages and schools should be restricted if not
students
Use synonyms
 are becoming reliant on the
Internet
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
although
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 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 brings a lot of benefits we should only consider the
Internet
Use synonyms
 as a support tool if student abuse will have negative effects.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas appearing somewhat randomly. Establish a more coherent and logical flow between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The presence of an introduction and conclusion is noted, but these sections could be improved upon to offer clearer orientations towards the essay's main argument and a more conclusive summary of the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are mentioned, but the supporting explanations are unclear or not entirely focused on the topic. Ensure each main point is elaborated with clear, targeted support that relates directly to the topic.
Task Achievement
Response appears to only partially satisfy the requirements of the task, with some aspects not fully developed. Ensure the essay directly addresses the main points across all parts of the prompt.
Task Achievement
The essay presents some clear ideas, but there are instances where the writing could be more comprehensive. Strive for a more detailed exploration of ideas with explicit connections to the prompt.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support statements. Incorporate concrete examples or data to substantiate points made and to strengthen the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • independent learning
  • critical thinking
  • excessive reliance
  • hinder
  • crucial
  • problem-solving
  • overly dependent
  • diversity
  • perspectives
  • global cultures
  • enriching
  • unrestricted
  • information overload
  • discerning
  • credible sources
  • incorporation
  • engagement
  • adaptivity
  • personalized learning
  • innovative
  • pedagogy
  • digital age
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