Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety

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There is an argument that

music

Use synonyms

is a pivotal factor in reducing

stress

Use synonyms

and anxiety in

people

Use synonyms

. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

statement because

music

Use synonyms

can improve mental health for both players and listeners. Musical players will feel relaxed and have more opportunities to interact with other

people

Use synonyms

.When musicians play some instruments

such

Linking Words

as piano and guitar, they will focus and concentrate on that device and forget about some toxic things in their lives.

Moreover

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

can be used as a tool to create community as some kinds of

music

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require more than one person to play. When

people

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have a friend to share their story with, their anxiety will be reduced.

People

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who listen to

music

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also

Linking Words

can have better mental health as the

rhythms

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music

Use synonyms

can release

stress

Use synonyms

, and

music

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can create activities to go outside. Some doctors suggest their patients listen to slow

rhythms

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and

rhythms

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of nature in order to reduce their mental illness.

Furthermore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

can be encouraged to go outside and explore new things by

music

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such

Linking Words

as going outside to listen to

music

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in the garden.

This

Linking Words

will help individuals avoid doing the same things or routines which lead to negative impacts on their mental health. In conclusion, as I mentioned above, I firmly believe that

music

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can be the one of crucial factors which can reduce

stress

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and anxiety for improving mental illness in

people

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Music

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players, can not only relax

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

interact with others

while

Linking Words

they are playing. For listeners, they can enjoy the

rhythms

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and go outside to reduce their

stress

Use synonyms

Submitted by nattaporn.vibha on Fri Oct 13 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay has a decent level of clarity and coherence. Your arguments are logically presented and connect to your overall point. However, the cohesive devices you used are a bit basic. You can improve by varying the linking words you use. Try to include more advanced cohesive devices such as 'in addition to', 'conversely', 'nevertheless' that add more depth to your writing.

task achievement

Your response to the task is clear and you follow a consistent line of reasoning. However, you need to focus on increasing the range of your examples. Your examples are accurate but lack diversity and depth. By providing more specific instances, research-backed data or anecdotal evidence, you can enrich your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

: All children should study a foreign language in school, starting in their earliest grades, To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your houselflat. Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter explain the reasons for the noise apologise describe what action you will take

in some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important.