Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions.

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Nowadays

humans

Use synonyms

become inactive

unlike

Add the comma(s)

, unlike

show examples

humans

Use synonyms

in the past.

This

Linking Words

is a big deal of humanity’s survival that we should keep in mind. Here are some main reasons

from

Change preposition

show examples

my opinion that make

this

Linking Words

problem

becomes

Verb problem

apply

show examples

more serious. As

everyone

Use synonyms

knows

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

technology

are

Change the verb form

show examples

growing fast. Not only in IT but

also

Linking Words

Use synonyms

food

Add an article

the food

show examples

industry. Back in the period time, ingredients in

one

Use synonyms

dish

wasn’t

Correct subject-verb agreement

weren’t

show examples

that complex

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

Use synonyms

food

Correct article usage

the food

show examples

dish

Fix the agreement mistake

dishes

show examples

in present. Imagine when you grab something in

supermarket

Add an article

the supermarket

a supermarket

show examples

then

Linking Words

you will see that many

ingredient

Change to a plural noun

ingredients

show examples

has

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

added even

Vitamin

Fix the agreement mistake

Vitamins

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. We have been trained by

this

Linking Words

food

Use synonyms

industry and we

becomes

Change the verb form

become

show examples

more inactive.

Sugar

Use synonyms

food

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

the

one

Use synonyms

reason that makes humanity start to ignore activities. I have listened to a podcast that talks about

sugar

Use synonyms

food

Use synonyms

that

effects

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

to human lifestyle. In the past

humans

Use synonyms

always be enthusiastic to survive in nature. Fruits are full of sugars.

Everyone

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loves to have something sweet so do wild animals. Granted, Fruits are rare

item

Fix the agreement mistake

items

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in nature because

everyone

Use synonyms

wants them. In the present day, smart creatures like

humans

Use synonyms

can extract sugars so easily in the point of that we can get

sugar

Use synonyms

Change preposition

with

show examples

finger tip

Correct your spelling

fingertip

show examples

such

Linking Words

as ordering sweets from online delivery,

Sugar

Use synonyms

will

deliver

Wrong verb form

be delivered

show examples

in front of

your

Correct pronoun usage

our

show examples

house.

This

Linking Words

reason could be understandable why people

becomes

Change the verb form

become

show examples

lazy like we haven’t been like

this

Linking Words

before. If you ask me for possible solutions for

this

Linking Words

world

Use synonyms

, I think we can’t against

this

Linking Words

convenient

Replace the word

convenience

show examples

this

Linking Words

world

Use synonyms

provided. We can’t change

this

Linking Words

world

Use synonyms

with

one

Use synonyms

person. I’m the

one

Use synonyms

who

addicted

Add a missing verb

is addicted

show examples

sugar

Use synonyms

but I’m still

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

concerned about my health. The only way

solution

Add an article

the solution

a solution

show examples

is to get

along with

Linking Words

world

Use synonyms

trend

Fix the agreement mistake

trends

show examples

but at least you need

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to do exercise to maintain your health.

Lastly

Linking Words

, I would like to tell

everyone

Use synonyms

that we should keep in mind that we should stay healthy,

keep

Correct word choice

and keep

show examples

active for our future life and humanity.

kanchanakularathna1991Fri Jun 23 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction can be clearer by stating the main points more explicitly and providing a more structured overview of the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and transitions between paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Expand on the suggested solutions with more detail. Consider providing specific examples or strategies that individuals or communities can implement.

Task Achievement

Some arguments could be strengthened by providing additional evidence, statistics, or examples that support your claims about inactivity and health issues.

Task Achievement

Some good points are made about the influence of modern technology on lifestyle and the role of sugar in human inactivity.

Task Achievement

The personal perspective on addiction to sugar adds a relatable touch to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

You applied for a job at a company but haven't received a response yet. Write a letter to the HR department to inquire about the status of your application.

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that businesses should support local communities as itaoffers a chance for marketing and promotion. Others consider thatcommunities should be supported by the government, not by businesses.Discuss both views and give your opinion.