Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions.
It is undeniable that
people
in recent year
have Fix the agreement mistake
years
been
obviously changed. They seem Unnecessary verb
apply
inactive
and powerless than they used to be, compared with the ways that they were in the past decades. In the following paragraphs, causes and solutions for Correct quantifier usage
more inactive
this
topic will be outlined in detail.
One of the most important causes of changing
in Replace the word
change
people
’s actions is that
the Correct word choice
apply
over-protecting
from their family. Correct your spelling
over-protection
In other words
, they were grown
up in Wrong verb form
grew
comfortable
environment, which the parents who had been Add an article
the comfortable
a comfortable
over taking
care of their children. They do not teach their kids to do any housework, cooking or even Correct your spelling
overtaking
the
personal routine tasks Correct article usage
apply
such
as brushing teeth
and taking a shower. Correct pronoun usage
their teeth
Moreover
, it is considered by many that social media is a
main cause which Correct article usage
the
affect
Change the verb form
affects
in
Change preposition
apply
people
Change noun form
people's
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
,
since it Remove the comma
apply
make
them Change the verb form
makes
more
easier to be living. Change the word
apply
This
is to say, technologies make people
more lazier. For example
, the
online shopping will be done Correct article usage
apply
by
only a few steps at home and the collected goods will Change preposition
in
be deliver
to the front door Change the verb form
be delivered
in
the next day.
There are some logical ways which could Change preposition
apply
be solved
the problem, and they might Wrong verb form
solve
be relate
Change the verb form
be related
both
family Change preposition
to both
practicing
and government conducting. Change the spelling
practising
Firstly
, parents should encourage children to complete their tasks by themself,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
put them in the harder skills in fixing the jobs. Secondly
, the government should legislate more strict rules to control the using
of technology to be harder for the children. It means they will use less technology, and Replace the word
use
then
, they will be active in practicing.
According to
the information mentioned above, it can be concluded that technology development and parental advising can cause the pool habits of people
nowadays, and they should be solved by family supports
and government legislation.Fix the agreement mistake
support
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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grammar
There were a few inconsistencies and grammatical errors throughout the essay (e.g., "people in recent year" should be "people in recent years"). Proofreading would help to avoid these errors.
content development
Further elaborate on each of the points to make your argument more compelling.
conclusion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points without introducing new ideas. While it does this, it could be more precise in echoing back to the body paragraphs.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the topic and provides a general overview of the causes and solutions that will be discussed.
logical flow
Each paragraph presents a clear main idea and follows a logical structure.
examples
The use of examples, such as online shopping, helps to illustrate the reasons behind inactivity, even if they could be elaborated further.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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