IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #life
There is an argument about whether
children
 should be given or not. Some people contend that
children
, regardless of their ages, should be given
responsibilities
such
 as helping at home or at work,
while
 others argue that they need to enjoy their lives without any obligations except for in school. I advocate the view that the former thought is more accurate. In terms of the latter perspective, it is undeniable that education is crucially important for the future of any child and after school will they should be given
time
 to play their favourite games or hanging out with their mates because it is proven that doing entertaining pastimes is a momentous part of the process of their upbringing.
Furthermore
, I think childhood is a period that all
children
 should dedicate most of their spare
time
 out of school to recreational activities, namely solo sports, group sports, and spending
time
 with their peers.
On the other hand
,
firstly
, I firmly believe that there are numerous life
skills
 which
children
 should learn
such
 as decision-making
skills
,
time
 management
skills
, and critical thinking
skills
.
Secondly
, if parents give them
responsibilities
such
 as either making them in charge of doing some household chores or making them familiar with different workplaces and even making them do a job
that is
 aligned with their personality can lead to instilling
this
 truth that in real life they have various forms of obligations and their lessons shouldn't be an excuse to shirk their
responsibilities
 toward doing them.
Finally
, I think if they do different jobs they may not only become familiar with their strengths
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 can opt for their carrier with more information in the distant future. In conclusion, I strongly believe
although
 entertainment exerts a big influence on
children
's lives they should have extra
responsibilities
 to become more successful in both their personal lives and career in the future.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: