IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #risks #lives
Taking
risks
 in
both
 personal and professional
lives
 might be a fundamental step to be taken. From my perspective, taking
risks
 offers various advantages compared to drawbacks.
To begin
 with, by choosing to take
risks
 in
both
 personal and professional
lives
 people will experience an advantage in the ability to expand their careers more effectively. As they have the grit and courage to always get out of their comfort zones.
Thus
, they always try new things and meet new individuals which leads to a bigger network and exchange of knowledge.
On the other hand
, another advantage will be the higher possibility of improving the quality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's
lives
. As a social creature, who can not live without the help of others, having a brilliant network and experiencing career expansion will make living a lot easier in the long term.
In contrast
, there are various problems that could arise.
Firstly
, there will be drastic changes in each person which can affect them
both
 physically and mentally. The side effects can vary, yet it could be dangerous.
Thus
, there should be preventive measures to be considered.
Secondly
, the chance of failing might be high. It would badly impact the people who do not have a safety net. They have given up everything possible, but the result is not as expected. In conclusion, having the courage to take
risks
 in
both
 professional and personal
lives
 can be a life-changing moment which offers an abundance of benefits rather than drawbacks.
Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
You should expand on supporting your points by using more concrete and detailed examples from your personal knowledge or experience, as this would help illustrate your arguments and provide a richer response to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increasing the variety and complexity of your sentences, as well as ensuring clear and logical transitions between points can strengthen the overall coherence of your essay. Avoiding repetitiveness can also contribute positively.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay has basic structure with an identifiable introduction, main body, and conclusion, you can enhance it by offering a more nuanced thesis statement in the introduction and by providing a summary of main points and final thoughts in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: