IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?

#countries #teenagers #years #people #lifestyles #parents #time #work #children
Nowadays, there has been an increase in social problems among teenagers like obesity, criminality or the deficiency of future perspectives which might be
due to
 modern lifestyles. There are arguments supporting
this
 position but in my opinion, there is not enough evidence to significantly justify
this
 thesis. Today, in modern families it is common that both mother and father are working even full-time,
hence
 having less time to supervise their offspring.
This
 might lead to an exacerbation of unhealthy conditions like eating too much junk food evolving into obesity in youngsters, indulging in social media platforms or gaming, and
therefore
 decreasing leisure and sportive activities.
In addition
, a lack of a supervising role model causes boredom and carelessness which might trigger dangerous challenges or even criminality in youngsters.
On the other hand
 - and I am a strong supporter of
this
 theory - there are different assessments of why these problems came up. The debate points out the negative effects of the head-down generation, future fears caused by climate change, air pollution, wars, and
finally
 the
corona
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 pandemic.
In addition
, so-called “tiger parents” are more likely to raise aimless grown-ups with little self-esteem confirming the negative consequences of over-protection.
However
,
further
 studies need to reveal the causes of social problems in young adolescents, as a stable and democratic society strongly benefits from its passionate and motivated youth. In my opinion, blaming parents for their modern working life and
therefore
 causing both emotional and physical deprivation in their children does not seem to be sophisticated.
Submitted by i.reichwaldt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Provide more concrete examples to support your points.
task response
Make sure the introduction and conclusion explicitly outline your position on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: