In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
There seems to be a debatable issue in which more and more parents motivate their offspring to strive for their
goals
in some nations. Such
motivation has the full potential to bring an array of tangible merits to the development of children
no matter how sceptical others feel. Now, I will make the issue clear in order to arrive at the last
but not least conclusion.
First and foremost, different classes of society insist that blaming children
for not trying hard enough affects adversely their development. Nonetheless
, it would be better to motivate children
in their daily lives. Particularly, a vast majority of children
give up accomplishing their goals
in light of having no one to get inspired. If parents or tutors supported children
, they would become self-assured and mature individuals to fulfil their goals
. In other words
, warm words or motivation are badly needed for children
to gain confidence. That is
all I have explained about the issue like the coin flips over two sides.
When it comes to voicing my opinion, motivating children
has several brighter sides eventually. More importantly, it is true that everyone needs to develop their willpower to overcome hurdles in life. If I lay my cards on the table, willpower and tolerant behaviour provide children
with a successful future. To cite the Jewish people as an example, parents and tutors make children
embrace that good things come at a cost. As a result
of it, adolescents grow up to be enthusiastic people who can get through obstacles in their lives. It is the most reasonable paradigm.
Last
but not least, I am confident that encouraging children
with warm words or stories helps them to keep going for the sake of their goals
whereas
children
need to have the willpower or persistent behaviour to building
a brighter future even if some people never feel advocative with my point-of-view.Wrong verb form
build
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task response
The essay provides a general response to the task, but it could benefit from a more focused discussion on both the advantages and disadvantages equally. Ensure that both sides of the argument are covered comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
While there is an introduction and conclusion, the main points should be more directly connected to the advantages and disadvantages presented in the task. Consider refining your paragraph transitions to enhance flow.
task response
Some of the points made in the essay are broadly discussed. It would strengthen your argument to incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly framing the discussion around motivating children.
task response
The essay mentions cultural examples, such as the Jewish community, to support arguments on motivation and its impact.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.