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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

International travel is becoming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourist. Do the advantages of increased tourists outweigh disadvantages?

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It is a common belief that global tourism is likely to damage the environment or cultural treasures of
countries
Use synonyms
 as travelling abroad has become affordable to more people.
However
Linking Words
, there is a more persuasive argument that cheaper travel encourages individuals to experience various cultures and extend their insights through international trips. On the one hand, travellers sometimes ruin the environment or heritage sites by doing outdoor activities or destroying remarkable artefacts. There are a number of cases in which
tourists
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 not only affect nature,
such
Linking Words
 as oceans or mountains, negatively but
also
Linking Words
 devastate cultural heritage.
For example
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, a large number of corals die every year because of sunscreen which
tourists
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 apply.
Also
Linking Words
, the government cannot help but spend exponential money renovating culturally important sites.
Nevertheless
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, international travel allows
tourists
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 to experience diverse cultures and meet new people from different
countries
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, which leads to extending their viewpoints. Several decades ago, exploring other
countries
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 was only for the rich.
Therefore
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, people, who could not afford flight tickets and tours, had to learn about different cultures through books.
However
Linking Words
, since the global trip has become cheaper and more reasonable, more individuals are able to benefit from travelling abroad.
For instance
Linking Words
, in South Korea, because there are many moderate flight tickets to other
countries
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, more Koreans can experience various values and make unforgettable memories. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks of global tourism when it comes to nature and notable locations, it is evident that the advantages
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
far outweigh the disadvantages since it gives more
tourists
Use synonyms
 opportunities to have overseas trips in person.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide your readers more effectively.
task achievement
Try to include a counterargument in your essay to strengthen your position and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, on the other hand) to link your ideas more fluently.
content
The essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of international travel.
content
Relevant examples, particularly relating to South Korea, enhance the arguments and illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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