IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts
Some individuals think the authority is wasting
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 budget on funding
arts
 and that
this
money
 could be best
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocated
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 important
serivces
Correct your spelling
services
 for the public. I totally agree with
this
 statement, because
arts
dose
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
 not play a significant role in society,
then
this
money
 should spend to improve people living standards and
addressing
Wrong verb form
address
show examples
 environmental issues.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why I believe
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
funding for
arts
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
.
Firstly
,
arts
 namely, museum, music,
painting
Correct word choice
and painting
show examples
dose
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
 not
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 vital services to normal people, which means these
arts
only
Add a missing verb
are only
show examples
 for
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
.
Furthermore
, artists should support themselves by
sell
Change the verb form
selling
show examples
 their artworks
instead
 of
dependent
Add a missing verb
being dependent
show examples
 on government funding.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
musicians can earn
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money
 through
sells
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 tickets
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 music performances.
Secondly
, the authorities should spend the
money
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 taxes in
wisely
Change the word
wise
show examples
 ways rather wasting
this
 funds on
arts
. They should spend
money
 in order to improve infrastructure
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 education, healthcare,
public
Correct word choice
and public
show examples
 transport, which
this
 infrastructure can provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of living standards for people and make them satisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of the government.
Finally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lawmakers should spend more funds in order to tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues namely, global warming, climate change,
pollution
Correct word choice
and pollution
show examples
instead
 of supporting
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
This
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these issues pose a threat to the
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the earth and
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 government should take measures to mitigate it. In conclusion, In my perspective, supporting
arts
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
, and
then
 the governments should utilize the public
budegt
Correct your spelling
budget
 in order
serve
Fix the infinitive
to serve
show examples
 the public through make
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvements
 in infrastructure, and cope with environmental problems.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: