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Band 6

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better lime to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#advances #science #technology #areas #society #years #lime
It is undeniable that
due to
 the rapid increase in
science
 and
technology
 and other fields in
this
 century. The general belief is that
while
 society develops, human has a better life and the
time
 we live is maintained longer. Given the advantages it offers, I completely agree with
this
 view. It is well –
known
Correct article usage
a known
show examples
 fact that
science
 and
technology
 help a lot of agriculture and production. First of all, in the past farmers used to
use
 labour power in order to collect agricultural
products
. Nowadays, farmers can
use
 labour–saving devices to harvest
products
,
such
 as fruits, rice, and wood, ...
In addition
, the process of making agricultural
products
 is becoming easier and takes less
time
 than before. Clearly, the development of
science
 and
technology
 makes people save a lot of
time
 and power. Add to that, the innovation of
technology
 and other fields can unproblematically bring
products
 to consumers. In most countries, many people choose go to shopping on the Internet
instead
 of shopping in physical stores. The biggest advantage of shopping online is that people are able to sit at home and
use
 a click of
mouse
Add an article
a mouse
the mouse
show examples
 to buy something on the websites.
This
 would help consumers and
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
, so they can
use
this
time
 to hang out with their friends and expand relationships. In conclusion, the evolution of society in industrial
science
 and high tech is significant and essential to human living nowadays. It brings a lot of benefits to the process of production and consumption in developing and developed countries. Citizens and countryman can save more
time
 for themself, even their labour.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear foundation for your argument, but the topic sentence could be more specific. Consider revising the opening to clearly state that you are discussing the benefits of advancements in technology for agriculture and consumer convenience.
task achievement
Some paragraphs could be expanded with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, provide specific technological advancements in agriculture and how they have impacted production.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay is well-organized, but the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking phrases to better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of transitional phrases to enhance flow. For example, use words like 'Moreover', 'Firstly', 'Secondly' to structure your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The points made in each paragraph are relevant to the main argument and support the overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your agreement with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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