IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better lime to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#advances #science #technology #areas #society #years #lime
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It is undeniable that
due to
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 the rapid increase in
science
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 and
technology
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 and other fields in
this
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 century. The general belief is that
while
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 society develops, human has a better life and the
time
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 we live is maintained longer. Given the advantages it offers, I completely agree with
this
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 view. It is well –
known
Correct article usage
a known
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 fact that
science
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 and
technology
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 help a lot of agriculture and production. First of all, in the past farmers used to
use
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 labour power in order to collect agricultural
products
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. Nowadays, farmers can
use
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 labour–saving devices to harvest
products
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,
such
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 as fruits, rice, and wood, ...
In addition
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, the process of making agricultural
products
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 is becoming easier and takes less
time
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 than before. Clearly, the development of
science
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 and
technology
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 makes people save a lot of
time
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 and power. Add to that, the innovation of
technology
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 and other fields can unproblematically bring
products
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 to consumers. In most countries, many people choose go to shopping on the Internet
instead
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 of shopping in physical stores. The biggest advantage of shopping online is that people are able to sit at home and
use
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 a click of
mouse
Add an article
a mouse
the mouse
show examples
 to buy something on the websites.
This
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 would help consumers and
costumers
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customers
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 save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
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, so they can
use
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this
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time
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 to hang out with their friends and expand relationships. In conclusion, the evolution of society in industrial
science
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 and high tech is significant and essential to human living nowadays. It brings a lot of benefits to the process of production and consumption in developing and developed countries. Citizens and countryman can save more
time
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 for themself, even their labour.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear foundation for your argument, but the topic sentence could be more specific. Consider revising the opening to clearly state that you are discussing the benefits of advancements in technology for agriculture and consumer convenience.
task achievement
Some paragraphs could be expanded with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, provide specific technological advancements in agriculture and how they have impacted production.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay is well-organized, but the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking phrases to better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of transitional phrases to enhance flow. For example, use words like 'Moreover', 'Firstly', 'Secondly' to structure your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The points made in each paragraph are relevant to the main argument and support the overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your agreement with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • quality of life
  • vaccines
  • antibiotics
  • global connectivity
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable future
  • climate change
  • online education
  • knowledgeable and empowered societies
  • privacy issues
  • mental health impacts
  • economic and societal inequalities
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural shifts
  • traditional social structures
What to do next:
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