IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many children these days have their own mobile phones what are the advantage and disadvantage of it.

#children #phones #advantage
Mobile
phones
 and tablets are readily available these days and most of the population is able to afford them at reasonable prices
due to
 the advancement of technology. But having access to
such
 technology at an early stage can be both advantageous and disadvantageous. Both of the viewpoints
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be discussed in the coming paragraphs. One of the important areas of child
development
 is that of intelligence. And with technology available to
children
 primarily mobile
phones
, they are able to explore and learn very complex features of them at an early stage.
This
further
 enhances their brain
development
 and increases their
overall
 intelligence.
Moreover
, with tablets and mobile
phones
 handy, they can even watch learning videos and can attend lectures
while
 sitting at home.
For example
, during the COVID pandemic, all the
children
 attended their lectures through mobile
phones
 or tablets virtually.
This
 prevented the loss of their academic year which
otherwise
 would have cost them their entire year. With advantages, come disadvantages as well. The foremost disadvantage is the impact on the
overall
 health of
children
. Kids these days are not at all going out to play with their friends. Rather, they are playing online games on mobile
phones
.
This
 greatly hinders their physical
development
. Not only their physical
development
 but mental and social
development
 is getting impacted. They are not as self-confident and social as they used to be because of a loss of interaction with their counterparts. In conclusion,
children
 should be given mobile
phones
 in a controlled manner. They can be granted access to the phone for a certain amount of time during their day, and the rest of the time they should be encouraged to play outside with their friends.
Moreover
, mobile
phones
 can be given only if an urgent necessity arises.
Submitted by richaarora714 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: