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Band 6

Some people believe that if an individual behaves in an anti-social manner, such as committing a crime, then society is to blame. What are the causes of anti-social behavior? Who do you think is responsible?

#people #manner #crime #society #behavior
It is often argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 few people think that society is responsible for the anti-social behaviour of
individuals
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the causes of
this
 problem like environmental, home, and psychological causes and possible solutions to
this
 problem. Start with the causes of anti-social
behaviours
 it is mostly thought that the society, where we live, is the main cause of these
behaviours
 because
of
Change preposition
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, there are many factors in our surroundings which contribute to anti-social
behaviours
 like our
parents
, teachers, and peers
besides
this
, the main cause is our home environment where we spend a lot of time
while
 the other factors like psychological, genetic may
also
 have an effect on
individuals
for example
, it can be seen that if
parents
 have any mental illness
then
 there are 80% chances that it will transfer to their
children
however
 parent affects more on the upbringing of their
children
 so
this
 affects on anti-social
behaviours
 of
individuals
. Moving toward the solution of anti-social
behaviours
firstly
, it is
parents
' duty to keep an eye on each activity their
children
Add the comma(s)
, on the other hand,
show examples
on the other hand
 they should
also
 know whether they are involved in any bad habit or not.so
parents
 should have strong attachment with their
children
 so they can share each and everything with them.
secondly
, medication is the solution to psychological problems because some
individuals
 commit
a crimes
Correct the article-noun agreement
crimes
a crime
show examples
 because of psychological illness.
For instance
, in one famous study, it was shown that in the USA 85% of adults have psychological problems
due to
 which they commit a crime at a younger age .
To sum up
, most
individuals
 commit a crime
due to
 a bad home environment and psychological problems
hence
 the best solution to
this
 problem is medication and
parents
' duty to keep an eye on
individuals
.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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task response
The essay covers the parts of the task, discussing both causes and solutions of anti-social behavior. However, for an even stronger response, provide more specific examples to support your points and enhance clarity by addressing each cause and solution in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, improving the logical structure of paragraphs will enhance the flow. Consider using topic sentences and clearer transitions between ideas and arguments.
task response
The essay effectively presents an introduction outlining the issue and mentions specific causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes a conclusion that summarizes the key ideas discussed, which aids in providing cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Anti-social behavior: Actions that harm or lack consideration for the well-being of others.
  • Norm: A standard or pattern, especially of social behavior, that is typical.
  • Unstable family environment: A family situation that lacks consistency and safety.
  • Socioeconomic factors: Aspects related to economic activity and social position, such as income, education, and employment.
  • Peer pressure: The influence from members of one's peer group to behave in a manner similar or acceptable to them.
  • Desensitize: Make someone less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty, violence, or suffering by overexposure to such images.
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