New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
contemporary era, the activities conducted during leisure time by
children
have drastically changed over the period because of technological advancement. In my opinion, the demerits of
this
trend outweigh the merits and the reasons will be elucidated in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence, the preponderant reason behind my outlook is its negative effect on the brain
development
of
children
. To expound, in the current scenario, younger kids are highly dependent upon technical gadgets as a source of entertainment and are glued to the screens most of the time,
consequently
, they hardly go outside and communicate with other individuals, which
overall
hinders their social
development
because ‘play’ is imperative for young one’s brain
growth
.
For instance
, as per a recent survey conducted by a childcare organization, it has been claimed that the growing generation lacks many critical skills for survival which could have only been developed if kids
would have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
played and communicated with their peers.
Thus
, the aforementioned reason elucidates how these gadgets are impacting adversely. Moving
further
, another pivotal aspect is the detrimental impact of these devices on a child’s
overall
growth
. To explicate, a young fellow is not mature enough to understand the criticality of not visiting a few restricted websites and out of curiosity, they started visiting those sites and eventually become addicted to those sites.
Consequently
, they hit puberty at a very early age even when their bodies are not ready for those changes.
For example
, an internet website provided data where it was informed that a large proportion of their memberships are by juveniles who claim themselves to be adults.
Hence
, the abovementioned example substantiates its effect on kids’
growth
.
To conclude
, the excessive usage of technical devices by
children
is worsening the situation as it is not only hampering their brain
development
but
also
proving itself an obstacle to their
overall
growth
. In my perspective, parents should not hand these devices to their
children
as an escape strategy, because though it doesn’t seem that detrimental from the outside, it has a severe deep impact on their child’s
development
.
Submitted by manpreet.kaur.riar67 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The overall essay structure is logical from start to finish, but there is room for improvement in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to provide clearer connections between points and create a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples and details to fully support the main points. Include more relevant and specific examples to elaborate on the points made and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: