IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #subjects #school
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A controversial discussion point is whether
art
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classes
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 are as vital to a young teenager’s development as other lessons.
This
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 writer believes
this
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 is compulsory to be taught in high school
due to
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 relaxation and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in creativity. It must be acknowledged that
art
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classes
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 can help people relax. When someone is involved in artistic lessons, they will show their character, and their feelings in paintings or drawings;
therefore
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, they will feel more comfortable and relaxed.
As a result
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,
overall
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 scores in high schools will increase. Take Song Ngu Lac Hong school as an example, where it always has an
art
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 period every day, research has shown that
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 mental
are
Verb problem
health is
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 generally better than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 in other academics. Another point worth considering is
art
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 can improve creativity. In these
classes
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, the individual will draw or paint what they think, there are no rules and the only limitation is their imagination.
As a result
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, they will be more flexible in problem-solving and eventually become smarter. In conclusion,
art
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classes
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 should be taught in high schools
due to
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 satisfaction and enhancement in creativity.
Moreover
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, in order to make
this
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 writing 250 words long,
this
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 writer must do something to make these sentences longer. As expected, these filler words will participate in these sentences which will make the minimum word increase.
Additionally
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, the AI that will calculate the score of
this
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 writing will think that the writer is continuing the essay.
As a result
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,
this
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 writer’s score will be more than 5.0 or higher just as
this
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 writer’s calculations.
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task response
In order to improve your task response, ensure that your arguments are fully developed. The filler words towards the end of your essay indicate that you struggled to reach the word count, suggesting that your ideas were not fully expanded
task response
Work on developing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. The example given about Song Ngu Lac Hong school needs more clarity and detail on how the research was conducted and its findings.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs a stronger conclusion. The current one is weak and includes filler content which detracts from the overall quality of your response. Summarize your main points and restate your stance more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. There is a bit of a jump between the points made without clear linkage.
introduction
The introduction clearly states your position, which is good for guiding the reader through your arguments.
logical structure
You have identified two key benefits of having compulsory art classes: relaxation and creativity. This provides a clear structure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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