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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advangtages and disadvantages of giving children in this message?

#cultures #children #advangtages #message
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In some values, can
children
Use synonyms
 can do anything if they try hard enough or not? Here are some advantages and
disvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of showing
children
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Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 messages
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 There are two pros to
children
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can do anything if they try hard enough.
Firstly
Linking Words
, telling
this
Linking Words
 to a kid, it shows a positive reaction. It will show some motivation towards them not to give up and
also
Linking Words
 after hearing it they can be able to achieve long goals as reading long passages or doing maths isn’t easy at all.
Secondly
Linking Words
, telling them to try hard is good as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the child to remind themselves that
it
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isit
wasit
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 ok it is hard but anything is possible if you try enough and doing your best.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 sometimes, it can be a downfall.
Children
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 could not achieve anything because they do not
work
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 enough but I think it
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 other people deserve
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 other
children
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 as they
work
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 harder. Another point
also
Linking Words
, if they
work
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 hard they will earn more money but it
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 difficult to achieve it. In conclusion, we have to teach
children
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 how to
work
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 hard and how life works with hard
work
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 and motivation and dedication, attitude and time management,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 they must overcome the things that they do not like studying or
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
. if
possibe
Correct your spelling
possible
 they can achieve anything, they
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 happy and that matter
also
Linking Words
.
Submitted by lilinsia12 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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