IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars and riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

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The mortality rate that occurs from
car
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accidents
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 is one of the most significant problems worldwide, especially in Thailand, which has the highest number of driving
accidents
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 in the world. Some people believe that increasing the
driver’s
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 minimum legal
age
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 will help
this
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 issue and increase
road
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 safety. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, I disagree with
this
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 opinion and expand my reasons to support it.
However
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, increasing the
driver’s
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age
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 is a good way to avoid
car
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accidents
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.
Road
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 safety is not based on their
age
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 but base on their discipline.
For example
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, many
car
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 users in Thailand do not follow traffic laws, and
car
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 and motorbike users should reduce their vehicle speed if they are in reduced control areas
such
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 as schools, hospitals, traffic lights, and zebra crossing.
As a result
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. They hit some people who were crossing a
road
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. Later, some cases get injured but some cases die.
Therefore
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, the government should be concerned about
this
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 problem by using the
driver’s
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 law strictly which can reduce the mortality rate from the
road
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 accident.
Moreover
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, the
driver’s
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 license is achieved easily because it takes only 15 hours in a driver lesson and the examination tests 3 driving positions with 50 multiple choices. So,
this
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 is one of the major reasons why the vehicle user ignores traffic rules.
For instance
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, my co-worker ever met in a
car
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 accident in which his
car
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 was hit by a new
car
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 driver who recently got a license for a week and did not beware
while
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 they drove the
car
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.
Therefore
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, the official organization should add the qualification that the vehicle users should attend driver lessons for more than 1000 hours and test more driving positions to get these licenses. In conclusion, I am afraid I have to disagree with increasing the minimum
driver’s
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age
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 to improve
road
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 safety and most
road
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accidents
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 occur by the no disciplined people who do not follow the law.
Therefore
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, the government should use the law strictly and the
driver’s
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 qualification should be added.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the sections discussing the effectiveness of education and how better education can shape a more responsible driver. This could enhance the argument against raising the driving age further.
task achievement
Provide additional statistics or case studies that explore countries with similar or different age restrictions and their corresponding road safety records. This will further bolster the essay's position.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive sentence structures. Varying wording and sentence length can make points more impactful and improve overall readability.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents an argument against raising the driving age, offering logical reasoning with supporting information.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the stance taken in the essay, reinforcing and summarizing the core viewpoints regarding traffic laws and driver education.
coherence cohesion
There is consistent use of examples, such as the anecdote about the colleague's accident, which ties back to the discussion about insufficient driver education requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • increase road safety
  • maturity
  • rash decision-making
  • cognitive functions
  • risky behavior
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • core issues
  • proper training
  • adherence to traffic rules
  • road conditions
  • vehicle maintenance
  • stricter driving tests
  • enhancing road safety
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