IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #products #development
Advertisements play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in convincing people for buying
products
 which a business has to offer. It is observed that all the
businesses
 nowadays emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some novelty their
products
 have, which was never introduced in the market earlier. These tactics surely
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
businesses
 and improve their sales, but misguide innocent
consumers
.
Such
 a mechanism of advertisement is easy to grab
consumer
's attention and most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 misguide buyers. It has a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
 to be unethical development. Some of the reasons for following
such
 practices are having an edge over the existing competition in the market or falsely convincing
common
Correct article usage
the common
show examples
 man that their
products
 are superior to others.
Consumer's
Change noun form
Consumer
show examples
 behaviour is
also
 one of the factors that
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
such
 practices.
For instance
,
consumers
 want the latest
products
,
thus
 creating an urge to buy
such
 wrongly projected
products
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 one hand,
such
 tactics are profitable for
businesses
 and
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
show examples
 way to grab
consumer
's attention, but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 they are unethical for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. For innocent
consumers
,
such
 a way to publicise a product is misleading. Buyers easily fall into
such
 traps and get
pursuaded
Correct your spelling
pursued
 by those
businesses
. Most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
,
such
 advertisements mislead
consumers
 into buying
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
products
 and
consumers
 spend
prominent
Add an article
the prominent
a prominent
show examples
 amount of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
show examples
products
.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 does play a part in regulating the quality and the information provided in advertisements and put
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
show examples
 on
businesses
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
such
 cheap ways to
pursuade
Correct your spelling
persuade
consumers
. In conclusion,
businesses
 following
such
 advertisement practices have negative effects on
consumer
's
pocket
Fix the agreement mistake
pockets
show examples
 and health and lead to negative development happening in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by sameersharmarg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: